|
|
 |
 |
|
Cowboy By Staci Stallings "You're never going
to believe who's coming to Denver!" Lynn Isley squealed as
she streaked into the empty restaurant from the kitchen doors. Standing at the cash
register counting change, Beth McCasland barely even looked up.
"Who?" Lynn dropped her voice
conspiratorially although there wasn't a single soul in the place
to overhear her anyway. "Ashton Raines!" "65.82." Beth dumped the pennies back in the register and frowned. "Ashton Raines?
Isn't he that country singer?" "That country singer?"
Lynn asked in disbelief as she tied her blue-and-white Harry's All-Night
Diner apron around her waist. "Are you kidding me? Ashton Raines
is the country singer. He not only won Male Vocalist of the Year
three years in a row, he won Entertainer of the Year last year and
Song of the Year, Album of the Year, and... Beth!" Somewhere just past one
of the 'of the Years' Beth had tuned Lynn out. "Where'd you go?"
"The drawer's ten
cents off." Beth looked back at it in consternation. "What
do you think we should we do?" Lynn shook her head.
"Who cares?" "I do." A moment
of thought and Beth pulled a dime out of her own pocket and dropped
it into the register. In disbelief, Lynn surveyed
her friend, her dark eyes flashing. "What'd you do that for?"
Beth shrugged and slammed
the drawer. "It's either that or hear Harry yell for two hours."
"But..." Lynn
began just as the bell on the front door sounded. "Customers," Beth said, indicating the door and signaling that the conversation was over with one word. She tucked a wayward blonde wavy-curl behind her ear, grabbed three menus, and started toward the door without bothering to wait for Lynn to so much as exhale.
"Ashton, what in
the world are you doing up there?" Barry Braxton yelled to
the stonewashed jean-clad figure leaning perilously over the edge
of the top row of bleachers. "These bleachers
have to be up by seven," Ashton yelled back over the din of
workers surrounding him without so much as looking down at his manager. "They will be,"
Barry called, "but if you fall, we won't be needing them anyway." Irritation at being treated
like a three-year-old crawled through Ashton's chest as he twisted
the wrench on the bolt he was working on with three more quick jerks.
"I'm not going to fall, Barry." "Well, why don't
you come on down anyway?" Barry set his hands on the rolls
of excess weight just beneath his off-brown, button up shirt. "Really.
There's no reason for you to be up there. I'm sure the crew can
get it." "Look around you,
Bare." Ashton waved the wrench angrily. "We go on in three
hours. Does it look like they're going to be ready?" Barry shook his balding
head in disgust. He really couldn't argue with that as much as he
obviously wanted to. With the concert set to start in three hours,
Ashton knew his manager would've preferred him to be in his dressing
room getting ready rather than tightening bolts on the bleachers
for their latest venue. However, here he was twisting bolt after
bolt tighter and tighter, wrenching his anger and frustration into
them as if that would somehow make everything better. After a full thirty seconds
Barry stalked off leaving his golden egg hanging off the edge of
a set of bleachers that looked like it might fall any second. Ashton
didn't so much as watch him leave. Barry, of all people, knew Ashton's
stubborn streak ran a mile deep and just as wide. And the fact that
he had acquired a death wish in the last year didn't help matters.
Trying not to think lest the memories swarm him again, he bent his head and body into the work. If he could just keep working, keep moving, keep going, somehow he would find a way past the hurt. If he didn't, Humpty Dumpty would look easy to put back together by comparison.
"So, do you want
to go?" Lynn asked as she walked up to the counter where Beth
stood during a slight lull in the afternoon lunch chaos. "Go where?"
Beth asked, tallying up three tickets at the same time. Wishing Lynn would leave
her alone so she could concentrate, Beth bit the pink lipstick of
her bottom lip. "What concert?" "Hello, Beth...?
Is anybody in there?" Lynn waved her hand in the air. The bells on the front door jingled. Without bothering to uphold her end of the conversation, Beth stepped around the counter. "I'll be right back." She heard Lynn growl in frustration, but there were other things in the world far more important than concerts and having fun. On top of that priority list was eeking out a living. She met the two customers at the door. "Good afternoon. Would you like a booth or a table?"
Ashton heard the familiar
music the second it poured down from the enormous speakers three
stories above him. The roar of the crowd that followed the music
never ceased to amaze him. On the outside he looked ready-calm,
cool, professional, but inside he was a disaster waiting to happen.
This was the hardest part of every show. Right now she would've
been with him, holding his hand right to the stage steps, telling
him good luck, and kissing him. What he wouldn't have given for
one more kiss. He could feel her even now, and every part of him wanted nothing more than to walk away from it all-walk away and never come back. Without her, everything had become too hard, too draining, too overwhelming. Just as the pain threatened to take him over the edge, he heard it-the four notes-his cue, and in with one giant shove, he stuffed all the hurt back down and stepped up the stairs and onto the stage as the entire arena exploded in lights, music, and screaming around him. In fact, it was so loud that not one person in the entire arena heard his heart snap right down the middle.
"You going home?"
Lynn asked as Beth grabbed her coat from the rack. She slid her arms into the warmth of the wool, knowing how the early April chill in Colorado could seep into a person despite all their best efforts. "Yeah, Tori should
be here any time now, and I've got to stop at my parents' to get
Kenzie." "How's she doing?"
Lynn asked with genuine concern. "Oh, growing like
a weed." Beth laughed softly and pushed the blonde curl that
never quite made it into the clip at the back of her head from the
edge of her face. No matter how many clips she used, she could never
quite get her hair to stay up through a full eight-hour shift. "I
can't believe she'll be starting kindergarten in the fall." "No kidding."
Lynn's concern sank on the sigh that went through Beth. "You
okay?" "Yeah." Beth
ducked so her friend couldn't see the real answer. "It just
hard sometimes." Buttoning the coat was a good excuse not to
look up. "I know, but I'm
sure Kevin would be proud of how well she's done." Beth smiled through the
ache, which stabbed viciously into her heart. She grabbed her things
from the counter. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow." "Okay, you take
care-and drive careful." "I will."
Lynn watched her friend
go. It had to be hard to go home every night with a child and all
alone at the same time. Worse, the only places Beth ever went were
her parents' house, the diner, and home. The only time she ever
went out was when Lynn forced her to, and it had been far too long
since their last outing. The radio behind her crackled. "KGRC, is proud to welcome Ashton Raines to The Pepsi Center
in Denver, Colorado on June 12th..."
"Hey, great show,
Ashton," Barry said, slapping him on the back the second he
descended into backstage after the second encore. Ashton forced a smile
onto his face. "Thanks." "We've got some
people backstage," Barry continued as though Ashton hadn't
heard all this a million times before. "There he is!"
someone from down the hall yelled, and in a breath he was crushed
by a sea of fans. Overwhelming numbness
took over as he accepted the pieces of paper being shoved in his
face. Over and over he signed a name that no longer seemed to even
belong to him. It was everywhere. On T-shirts, CD jackets, programs,
in lights above the entrance to every auditorium door he walked
through. As he signed the name
yet another time, it occurred to him that somehow he had lost everything-not
even his own name was his anymore. He wasn't Ashton Raines, and
yet if he wasn't Ashton Raines, who was he, and when he had ceased
to exist as a real person? "That's enough!"
Barry held his hands up, forcing his way through the crowd to make
a path for Ashton to follow. "We appreciate you all coming
out! Thank you! Thank you!" Somehow Ashton followed his manager, somehow his feet worked, somehow... and yet if he had to explain just how, he would never have been able to.
Beth lay on Kenzie's
bed, the book in one hand, Kenzie resting on the other arm. "'Open
the door,' the prince commanded, and the guards obeyed. When the
door opened, there stood Katrina in her dress of rags. 'Hello,'
said the prince kindly. 'Hello,' Katrina said. 'May I have this
dance?' the prince asked, holding out his hand to her. She took
it, and they danced the whole night away. The end." Beth closed the book
and then looked down and smiled. Kenzie. The soft little face. The
rosy cheeks. The most beautiful child in the world. Her last precious
gift from Kevin. At times it seemed she was almost past the pain,
and then at other times, like tonight, the thought of going to a
bed devoid of his spirit threatened to fling her into a pit of despair. Five years. Five long years, and still she missed him, and at that moment, watching their daughter sleep, the soft baby blonde curls fanned out on the pink pillow, she knew she would miss him forever.
"We've got some
new material in," Barry said as Ashton put his feet up on the
coffee table, leaned his head back against the couch, and closed
his eyes. "Meredith thinks one of them is a keeper." "Hmm." "Anyway, I thought
maybe tomorrow on the way to Atlanta we could give it a once over-just
to see what you think," Barry continued, going over his checklist.
"The concert in Tucson sold out yesterday in under two hours.
They're thinking about adding a second show. What do you think?" "Fine," Ashton
said without ever opening his eyes. The to-do list went silent.
"Ken called. He's wondering how you're doing?" Ashton was really tired
of answering this already age-old question. "How are you doing?"
Barry asked pointedly. "Really?" Slowly Ashton exhaled-knowing
full well that the truth and what Barry wanted to hear were two
totally different things. "You know me, Bare." He opened
his eyes to a reality he now hated. "Yes, I do, and
I'm not the only one who's worried about you." Ashton smiled at that.
Barry was worried all right-for himself mostly. "I'm fine."
With no small amount of effort, Ashton pulled himself off the couch.
"Just a little tired." Barry followed him up
off the couch without taking his gaze off him. "What time are we
pulling out in the morning?" Ashton asked, stretching slowly,
the starched shirt he still wore from the concert stuck in weird
angles to the dried sweat on his back. "Ten." "Then I'd better
get my beauty rest." Ashton yawned. "I'd hate to be sick
for Atlanta." "Yeah," Barry
said unenthusiastically. "I'll be here to get you around nine-thirty?" "I'll be ready."
Ashton followed Barry to the door. "And I promise we'll go
over the new stuff tomorrow." "That's great." He held the door open
for his manager. "Well, good night, Bare." "Night," Barry
said, but the closing door cut off the word. Ashton exhaled and let
his eyelids fall shut. It was true he was tired, but this tired
had nothing to do with his work on stage. This tired was something
he had never experienced in his life until now. It had nothing to
do with sleep and everything to do with the hole he found every
time he looked into his heart. He shook his head to clear it of
the disturbing thoughts and went to take a shower.
Chapter 2
Beth's finger wound its
way back out of the ash blonde curl on her temple as she pushed
the catalog she was perusing across the table. "How do you
think this would look on Kenzie?" Lynn barely looked. "Cute.
Anyway, what do you say I get you a ticket, too..." "What about this
one?" Beth pushed the catalog back across the table. "That's cute, too,"
Lynn said. "If I got you a ticket, we could go into Denver..." "I wish I knew what
the weather's going to be like for Memorial Day," Beth said
with a frown, "I'd hate to get something and then it be too
cold." "Hello, Beth. Are
you listening to me?" Lynn asked in exasperation. "Yeah," Beth
said without a trace of sarcasm. "You think they're both cute." "That's it!"
Lynn swiped the catalog from her friend's hands. In shock and annoyance
Beth followed the magazine out of sight. "Hey! What'd you do
that for?" Lynn sat on the catalog,
her chin length black bob swaying with the movement. "So, maybe
I can get your attention for more than two seconds." "What?" Beth
asked as though she hadn't heard a word that had come from the other
side of the table in the last ten minutes, which in all honesty
she hadn't. "Ashton Raines,"
Lynn said evenly as she folded her hands on the table in front of
her. "Now, I was thinking I could get us both tickets, and
we could go see him in Denver." The bob swayed again with the
words and the excitement. "Oh, I don't know,
Lynn." The table pulled Beth's gaze down like a magnet. "Those
tickets are expensive." That stopped Lynn for
all of two seconds. "Okay. I'll tell you what. Your birthday
is the 20th, so just consider the tickets a birthday present-my
treat." "I can't let you
do that." Beth caught one ash-blonde lock of hair around her
index finger and spun it between her fingers. "You can't afford
it either. Besides, what would I do with Kenzie?" Lynn shrugged. "Take
her to your parents' house-or better yet to Kevin's parents'. I'm
sure they'd love to have her." Beth knew the truth of that statement although it made her heart ache. Kenzie was their one
and only grandchild, and Kevin's parents called practically every
week offering to take her. But somehow Beth never felt right taking
her daughter to Empire-actually, somewhere deep down, she knew it
wasn't letting Kenzie stay with them that was the problem. The problem
was taking Kenzie to stay with them. That drive always got to her. "I don't know,"
she said, winding the hair until the top of her finger turned white.
"What about Thomas?" Lynn grimaced. "Thomas'd
rather stick bamboo shoots in his fingernails than to go to an Ashton
Raines concert. Besides it'd be more fun to have a girls' night
out. I'll tell you what. I'll get the tickets. If you decide you
don't want to go, I can always sell them to someone else. I'm sure
they won't be hard to get rid of." Winding her finger all the way to her scalp, Beth sighed. "Well, okay." Somehow in the next two months, she would find a graceful way out of going. It shouldn't be that hard.
"So, what do you
think?" Meredith asked, barely containing her excitement as
the song finished playing over the bus's sound system. Her petite
frame never moved for all the motion of the road. "Nice," Ashton
said not overly enthusiastically. "I told you he'd
like it," Meredith said, poking Barry in the ribs with a bony
elbow. "I didn't say he
wouldn't," Barry said with a fake smile that elbowed into Ashton's
patience. "Oh, Price called today. They booked the studio for
January. Ken thinks we should start recording something for the
new album-tracks and stuff after Christmas. What do you think?" "Sounds good,"
Ashton said with no excitement at all. The plan had been to keep
working and not let his mind wander to the hole inside him, and
like it or not that plan was working. "I think I'm going to
go catch a few zzz's before we stop in Charlotte." He stood
without pretense. "Call me." "I will," Barry
said, watching him walk to the back of the bus and close the door.
Meredith sighed. "I'm
worried about him." "Yeah. So am I." * * * "Yes, Ma'am. I'm
sorry, Ma'am," Beth repeated as she picked up the plate off
the table. "And I don't want
onions either," the lady seated in the middle of the Harry's
Diner said. "Yes, Ma'am, I'll
be right back," Beth said, taking a step backward. "Miss," a man
at a table across the diner said, "I need another Coke." "Yes, Sir." "Ma'am, could we
get some service over here?" another man asked, holding up
a menu. "One minute, Sir."
She deftly missed the counter with the tray of repossessed food.
"Joe, we need this hamburger redone-it was supposed to be well
done, but it's pink. And she doesn't want onions." "Table seven's ready."
Randy pushed a tray of steaming food across the opening. Beth hoisted the tray
onto her shoulder. "Got it." "Miss," the
man said again, "I need some more Coke." "Just a second,"
she said, straining to keep her sanity. "We're ready to order... Miss, where's my hamburger... We need another plate... Can we have our check...? Where are your restrooms…? Are you going to take our order or not?"
"Ashton, 'Glory
Ride's' not supposed to be a dirge," Steve said, shaking his
head. "Could we pick it up a little?" "Oh, sure," Ashton said never really hearing anything his drummer said. "No problem."
"Grab your apron,"
Beth said the second she saw Lynn breeze through the door. Annoyance crashed onto
Lynn's tanned face. "I'm not here to work." "I don't care,"
Beth said, fighting to stay calm and sane as six people vied for
her attention. "Sage called in sick. Tori's out of town, and
Julie's filling in for Nia tonight." "Oh, good grief." Lynn needed no more updates to head to the back. Rushing back out front,
she tied her apron. "What do you need?" "Table six needs
their order-it's out. I'm getting checks for five, ten, and twelve.
Table seven needs bussed." "Got it."
"And now..."
the announcer said as the spotlights swept over the crowd, "Oklahoma
City is proud to welcome, the CMA Entertainer of the Year... Ashton...
Raines!" Ashton reached down, deep, deep down, down to the last ounce of energy he had left, and he climbed the stairs and stepped out onto the stage.
"What a day."
Lynn collapsed onto one of the counter stools. "Tell me about it."
At the register Beth recounted the change. "Julie should be
here any minute. You might as well go on home, but thanks for coming
in. I tried calling you, but..." "Oh my gosh!"
Lynn jumped off the chair and dug under her apron. "I almost
forgot. Look what I got!" Beth glanced up from
counting and tried to see what Lynn pulled from the pocket of her
jeans, but her eyes were too blurry from the fatigue and the grease.
She shook her head in utter exhaustion. "What?" "Tickets!"
Lynn said, her eyes shining as she held them up triumphantly. "Oh, yeah, that
was today." Beth refocused on the cash register. "So,
you got 'em, huh?" "Yes, I did! I waited
in line 48 hours, but I got 'em, baby." "Well, good for
you," Beth said, resuming her counting. "No, good for us." Beth exhaled slowly.
"Look, Lynn, I really don't think..." "I know you don't
think, that's why you're going to listen to me," Lynn said
commandingly. "Now, you've been slaving away all day long every
day at this stupid diner, and for once, you're going to take off
and enjoy yourself. You got that?" "But..." "No, buts. Now,
I want you to call Kevin's parents and book them for the 12th. Like
it or not, you're coming with me-even if I have to drag you there
myself." Air whooshed from Beth's lungs. There was no use to argue now. Later she would argue. Right now all she wanted was home and a nice, soft bed. * * * "Kelly's on the
phone, she wants to know if she should meet us in Tucson to work
on cut eight," Meredith said, putting her fingers with the
red-polished, perfectly manicured nails, over the cell phone. "Sure." With
his head resting on the bus window, Ashton read the signs outside
the window as they flew past-152 miles to Albuquerque. Albuquerque,
another stop on this nightmare that had started so long ago he couldn't
remember where or when. Some place in him vaguely remembered being
at a hospital, and then there was an even vaguer recollection of
a funeral, but after that, it was all pretty much a blur. Cities he couldn't remember, concerts that no longer held the fascination they once had, and above all, miles and miles of road that seemed to lead nowhere. Nowhere he wanted to go anyway.
"Ashton!" Jimmy
yelled from the middle of The Pepsi Center early on the afternoon
of June 12th. "Your guitar's not picking up, man. Check the
jack." Ashton looked down, and
his hand went automatically to the pickup. "It's crackling."
Jimmy put a hand to his headphone. "Okay, it stopped. Try it
again." "All the roads...
lead back to you..." "It's still not
picking up! Try the floor plug." Ashton stepped on the
floor plug and tried to remember a time when this hadn't been work. "Okay, try it again." "All the roads...
lead back to you..." Jimmy clamped his hands
over his headphones and then gave a thumbs-up sign. "Every clock ticks your name... All the roads lead back to you. Every road ends the same..."
"We're supposed
to be at Kathy's at four, so we'd better get going," Lynn said,
grabbing her jacket from the rack as Beth rechecked the register. "Okay, just let
me count this one more time." "Beth! You've counted that four times already. It's either right or it's not. Now, come on!"
The stranger Ashton found
staring back at him from the depths of the dressing room mirror
made him stop his headlong rush away from the memories. Who was
this person anyway? Who was this man walking around in his body?
Who was he, and when had he taken over? "Ashton, 30 minutes
'til show time," Barry called from the opposite side of the
door. Slowly he closed his
eyes to the shadow in the mirror. It was hollow anyway--a ghost.
Barry knocked softly.
"Ashton, you in there?" "Yeah," he called back quietly as he placed the white cowboy hat on his head and stared straight ahead. "I'm here."
"I can't believe
we made it!" Lynn bounced in front of Beth like a pogo stick.
It was the last time
she could remember being truly happy. "Where'd you go?"
Lynn asked, and her concern was evident. Beth shook her head to
clear the thoughts from her mind. "I'm here," she said, smiling, but she couldn't shake the melancholy. Even after five years, everything reminded her of Kevin. Everything.
"Okay, Ashton, Mike's
filling in for Bev tonight so when you get to the stairs look for
him. Everything's set. We've got five songs and then the break we
decided on. Remember that. Okay? The band's going to take their
normal break after 'Sundown,' but we took out your break after 'Glory
Ride.' Don't forget that." The instructions flew
at him and past him, and something in him told him he was supposed
to be listening, but he couldn't find the part of his brain that
even knew what Barry was talking about. "Yeah, okay."
"Good." Barry
put a hand on his back. "You're going to be great. Just go
out there, and make 'em glad they came." Ashton nodded and ambled
to the stairs leading up to the stage. For an instant after leaving
Barry's side, he wasn't at all sure he had the strength to make
it to the stairs much less up them, but something deep down pulled
him forward, and like a blind man, he followed it. "Here's your mic,"
Karen said, and obediently he took off his hat for her to wrap the
plastic around his head. "Here's your guitar." Mike placed the instrument over Ashton's shoulders. Suddenly once again he stood there-a cowboy in a white hat-poised to take on the world and wanting only to run in the other direction. "Go get 'em, man."
In all of their time
together, Beth had never seen Lynn so out-of-control excited. The
black bob bounced up and down in time with its owner's anticipation.
"This is it! This is it! He's coming! Oh, my gosh! He's coming!"
Their seats were so far
back Beth wondered what the point of this was. They could hear his
music on the radio just as easily, and listening on the radio would
certainly be less crowded and much less noisy. At that moment the lights
snapped off, and the spotlights swept over the crowd. She was sure
Lynn was screaming, but then again, so was everyone else, so she
couldn't be sure. "The Pepsi Center
of Denver, Colorado, is proud to welcome... CMA Entertainer of the
Year. Ashton... Raines!" At the first notes, the entire arena started to rock, and Beth instinctively put her hands over her ears in a vain attempt to keep from going totally deaf.
On cue, Ashton mounted
the steps and walked out onto the stage smiling as though everything
in his life was and always had been absolute bliss. As he strode
confidently to center stage, he waved happily to the crowd, which
went crazy at the gesture. Center stage the lyrics slipped through
him without effort. "It only takes a
second to ignite a fire... It only takes a heartbeat to know she's
the one. It only takes a moment to pull someone closer, but it takes
a lifetime to truly make love..." The words poured out
of his soul without him even willing them to. He didn't have to
remember the songs. They were a part of him now. In fact, it felt
like they'd been a part of him forever. On the guitar, his hands
moved in perfect rhythm with the drumbeat, and his smile came at
all the right times-all choreographed to utter perfection. Such perfection in fact, that he thought as he looked out across the crowd not one person could tell that finishing this song just might kill him.
The entire crowd around
Beth was singing, and as she looked around, she knew why. They all
had someone. Someone to hold onto. Someone to share this moment
with. As she looked at them, it wasn't sadness that crept over her
as much as urgency. They didn't know. They didn't understand how
utterly precious this moment was, and at that moment all she wanted
to do was jump onto her chair and somehow find the words to tell
them how priceless these few moments were. They were here now, but quicker than a tear can fall, they would be gone-and the only thing left would be the memories.
"It only takes a second to ignite a fire... It only takes a heartbeat to know she's the one," he sang, wrenching the words out as his heart broke inside him.
Suddenly through the
voices around her, a realization hit her, and Beth's gaze went to
the stage. Without a doubt, she knew he was yelling the words she'd
been trying to form for herself. The next instant her heart went
out to him. No one had to tell her,
she just knew. Ashton Raines was a kindred spirit. He had been there,
and he was saying what she had wanted to say for five years. At
that realization, a sad smile crossed her lips. She sank back behind
the outstretched hands of the people on either side of her and let
his words pour over her. "It only takes a
moment to pull someone closer, but it takes a lifetime to truly
make love." What no one can tell you was how short that lifetime could be, she thought as the first tear wound its way down her cheek. And standing in the middle of 20,000 screaming fans, she was sure she was the only one who'd been reduced to tears by the song.
"Thank you, Denver!" Ashton said into the microphone that was with him everywhere. He waved again as the band took their places by his side. "We'll see ya the next time around!"
Lynn was in the throes
of an old-fashioned swoon as Beth clapped politely. It was a good
concert, but it wasn't that good, she thought wiping the last of
the stray tears away and pushing her hair over her ear. "Ugh. Isn't he dreamy?"
Lynn asked as the house lights blinked back on. They turned to follow
the rest of the crowd out. "How can you tell?"
Beth asked with a laugh as she slung her small purse over her shoulder.
"We were like two miles away." "Are you kidding?
Did you see that white hat? I thought I was going to die!"
"Well, don't die yet. You're my ride home."
"Ashton! Ashton!"
the sea of people he found himself engulfed in the second he stepped
off the stage screamed. "One picture! Can you autograph this?
Here's mine. Ashton!" Dutifully he accepted
every paper he could reach as the flashbulbs snapped in his face. "Thanks for coming,"
he said softly to anyone who could hear, but the place was pandemonium. "Okay! Okay! Back
up! Let the man through!" Barry yelled, shoving his way to
the center of the firestorm. "Thank you for coming! Excuse
us, please! Back up!" "Ashton! Ashton!
Mr. Raines! One more, please!" "Oh, man, that was
like the best concert ever," Lynn said as they crawled into
her beat-up Pinto. "It was good."
Beth glanced out the window and saw the first few flashes of lightning
off in the distance over the mountains to the west. They snagged
her attention and held it. "Good? I'll tell
you what, give me a cowboy in a white hat any day." Beth's gaze tripped back
to her friend. "What about Thomas?" "I'd even settle
for him in a white cowboy hat, but trust me, that's not going to
happen anytime soon." In spite of the pain
in her heart Beth laughed. "So, where to now?"
Lynn asked, pulling carefully through the scramble of cars in the
vast parking lot and onto the street. "I think I just
want to go home." "Oh. Are you sure?"
Beth sighed and yawned-neither
of which were total lies. "I'm really beat." "But Kathy's got
Kenzie the whole night. We could go out and get a bite to eat or
something." "I'm not really
hungry. Besides, I just want to go home. Please." "Well, okay." Lynn sighed, surrendering to her friend's wishes as she made the loop and headed out on I-70 West. "If that's what you want, we'll go home."
Barry stood in the center
of the room, expertly introducing Ashton to the assembled dignitaries
and bigwigs milling about the reception room. "It's nice to meet
you, Mr. Holden." Ashton smiled and shook the older man's hand. "It's a pleasure,"
Mr. Holden said. His faded gray-blue eyes twinkled. "My wife's
been a fan of yours for a long time. Now I know why." "Well, thank you."
Willing his feet to stay planted, Ashton forced his legs to keep
him upright. "I'm glad you could come." "Mr. Raines,"
a young voice said from behind him. When he turned, Ashton
knew the slender blond couldn't have been more than 15. "Could you sign
this for me?" she asked not quite meeting his gaze. The smile that came to
his lips this time was genuine. "Sure." She handed him the program
shyly. "I really enjoyed your concert tonight, Mr.
Raines." He smiled at her again. "Please, call me Ashton."
"Oh. Okay, Ashton,"
she said as her fingers laced and relaced themselves through each
other in front of her. "And who should
I make this to?" he asked really enjoying an actual moment
with a fan. In the beginning there were many, but they were fewer
and much farther in between these days. "Just make it to
Sharon." In one instant his heart
constricted around itself, and he struggled to find the air that
had suddenly disappeared from the room. He fought to regain his
composure as he signed the page without seeing it. Then he handed
it back to her with what he hoped was a smile. "Thank you, Mr.
Raines... Ashton." "You're welcome,
Sharon." The breaking of his heart crashed through his ears
as he watched her turn and vanish into the crowd. "You all right?"
Barry asked, appearing at his elbow. Ashton shook his head
and fought to breathe. Sanity had lost its grip. "I've got
to get out of here." "What?" Barry
asked in instant dismay. He was heaving, fighting
to find the air, but it wasn't working. His head swum dangerously.
"I've got to get out of here." He dug his fingernails
into the palms of his hands to keep his fists from lashing out at
the first thing he saw. "Out of here? Ashton...?"
Panic ripped through Barry's voice. "What're you talking about?"
"I'm talking about
I'm leaving-right now." The pent-up frustration with the whole
impossible situation threatened to overwhelm him. "But, what about
all these people?" "Well, you're the
manager, Barry. Manage." He turned and stomped out of the room,
knocking into several people in his headlong dash to get anywhere
else other than here. Down the hall he fled,
wanting nothing more than to keep running forever. At the last possible
second before he got to his dressing room Meredith caught up with
him. "Ashton! What do you think you're doing?" "Leaving."
He stalked into the dressing room and slammed the door on the living
area as the intoxicating idea of simply walking away inundated every
tiny protest his brain could come up with. He yanked off the shirt
that felt like plastic and pulled on the oldest T-shirt he could
find. "Well, where're
you going?" Meredith called from the other side of the door,
and without seeing her, Ashton could hear her hands on her hips. He yanked off the black
jeans and pulled on a pair of raggedy faded ones before stalking
back out to where she stood. "I don't know." "You don't know?
Well, I have to know where you're going." Meredith folded her
arms across the black Channel suit she wore as if she was scolding
a three-year-old. Without bothering to
sit down, Ashton yanked on his tennis shoes that had strings dripping
off the fronts. "Ashton! I have
to know where you're going!" In the split second that
followed he was in her face. "Look, Mere, I've been your puppet
for seven years. I'm going for a little drive right now. I don't
know where I'm going, and I don't know when I'll be back. So, you
can just deal with it!" He stepped away from her then and grabbed
his ratty baseball cap from the table. "Deal with it?"
she shrieked as her angled features constricted. Carefully he positioned
the cap on his head and checked his reflection in the mirror. Already
he felt better. "That's what I said, Mere. Deal with it."
He stepped away from the mirror and over to the door. "You can't just
walk out of here! We're leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning for Pete's
sake!" "And your point
is?" He turned and looked at her evenly, his hand poised on
the knob. "My point is your
butt better be on that bus!" "And what happens
if it isn't, Mere? What then? Huh? We all go home?" The last
shred of sanity dropped away from him, and an eerie calm settled
into his voice. "Well, I don't have a home to go to anymore,
and I don't have a life to go home to either." Instantly, the anger
in her face melted. "Okay, look, Ashton. I'm sorry. Really
I am. I know this can't be easy." He snorted and yanked
the door opened. "You don't know anything." "Ashton." She
pulled out her cell phone in desperation. "I can call Keaton.
He can take you wherever you want to go." "I'm a big boy, Mere, I can take care of myself," he said, and with that he walked away from the life he had worked his entire life to build.
"Thanks, Lynn,"
Beth said as the Pinto stopped by the little house nestled in the
grove of trees three miles up the mountain from the Silver Plume
turnoff at I-70. "No problem."
Lynn smiled at her friend. "Thanks for going with me." "Thanks for asking." "Anytime,"
Lynn said with a slight nod. "You going to be okay getting
in?" "Yeah, I'll be fine."
Beth reached for the door handle. "I'll see you Monday." "Okay, take care." "I will. You, too."
In one fluid motion Beth got out, turned, and slammed the door behind
her. She walked up the front porch steps, unlocked the door, and
turned to wave to Lynn. Once inside she took a real breath. Home.
Finally. She tossed her keys onto the dining room table, walked
into the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water. In
the quiet of the house she noticed for the first time that her ears
were still ringing. It was amazing to her that people thought concerts
were fun. Crowded, noisy, and miserable was more like it. Bed was going to feel
really, really good, she thought as she treaded into the hallway
and past the light blinking at her from the answering machine. Kenzie.
It was her first thought as it always was. She punched the button
and willed the tape to hurry as it rewound, stopped, and started
playing. "Beth," Harry's
frazzled voice said from the speaker, "Nia's sick, and Kaylie's
little girl broke her arm today. If you get this message before
morning, please call. I'll pay you overtime, give you time off.
Whatever you want. Please call." Beth closed her eyes
and leaned against the wall, letting tired wash over her. The very
last place she wanted to be tonight was back at the diner-on night
shift of all things. There had to be a way out of this. She could
tell Harry she hadn't gotten the message. She could tell him they
didn't get in until morning. A thousand excuses ran through her
mind, but she knew even as they did, eventually she would go in
to work. Harry needed her, and she needed the money. It was that simple.
It had taken only a mild amount of effort to hail a cab, to drive to the airport, and to rent a car. In fact, Ashton's mind didn't have to work at all. His body was on autopilot. In what felt like two seconds he was breezing through the Denver streets-not knowing where he was going and not really caring.
"Hey, Harry,"
Beth said, walking through the door and noticing the figure slumped
over the counter. "Beth!" the
gray-haired, pot-bellied man said as he sat up, brightening at the
sight of her presence. "Oh, man, I can't tell you how much
I appreciate this." "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
She waved him off. "I'll expect a big bonus." "Oh, you've got
it," he said as she crossed past the counter and grabbed her
apron. "Anything. You just name it." "Beth?" Joe,
the cook, said the second he saw her. "Weren't you in here
this afternoon?" She shrugged. "I
can't stay away." "Oh, man. You're
a lifesaver." Harry pulled his coat off the rack. Beth stopped short. "You're
leaving?" "Well, yeah," he said as though that should've been perfectly obvious. "You're here."
At some point the city
lights had turned to winding roads, mountains, and trees, but Ashton
couldn't clearly remember how or when that had happened. All he
could see was freedom. Everywhere he looked was freedom. No guitars,
no managers, no people, no buses. Just him and the open road stretched
out in front of him. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.
He was free. But it was as though
his mind wouldn't allow him to enjoy anything for more than just
a moment because just then he heard her voice. "Thank you,
Mr. Raines… Ashton." "You're welcome,
Sharon." And as the first few
drops of rain found his windshield, the tears in his heart wrenched
free. He could still see her
lying there--a pale ghost in the midst of a mountain of pillows,
but even more he could still hear her fading, soft voice. "You
take it easy, cowboy." In his memory he clutched
her hand even as his hands gripped the steering wheel in the present.
"I can't do this, Sharon. Not now. Not like this." "Hey, you're the
one who's supposed to be the strong one, remember?" she teased,
using a line on him he had used on her many times before. Even as
his memory wound around the scene, his heart pleaded for her not
to give up. "But I can't do
this-not without you." He felt the fragile touch of her other
hand on his arm, and once again he looked into her weak hazel eyes.
He could hear the rasp of air raking across her failing lungs. She
was drifting, and he knew it. He clutched her hand tighter and bent
his head over her arm. "I don't want to live without you. Please,
Sharon. I don't know how." "You'll never be
without me," she said softly, but her strength waned with each
word. "Every time you get up there. Every time you sing, I'll
be right there with you... It's going to be okay, cowboy. You've
just got to believe…" "You w |