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Dreams
by Starlight
By Staci Stallings
Chapter
15
Saturday they spent miming
with the kids and then took Daria to the hamburger joint for lunch.
It was becoming so normal that Camille wasn't even surprised when
he asked. In a strange way she seemed more alive with him around.
The fear was still there, but it had been forced underground, and
she had the vague feeling that if she could just keep it there,
her life might actually get turned in the right direction.
Monday afternoon as she
sat in the auditorium, she wasn't at all surprised when Jaylon stopped
at her seat to say hi. However, when he asked to sit down with her,
it took her a moment to decide he was serious.
"Sure," she
said, just as she heard the sound behind her. She turned and found
herself suddenly in the unenviable position of sitting between two
adversaries. "Hey, Nick."
When Nick looked at her
and then over her head at Jaylon, she thought for a moment that
he might simply turn around and leave.
"Did you recover
from Slurpies in November?" she asked as the tension dropped
over her again.
"Slurpies in November,"
Nick said, reluctantly taking the seat next to her without so much
as a nod at Jaylon. "You ought to have your heads examined."
"Hey, you were driving,"
she said. On her left Jaylon shifted in his seat, and she turned
her attention to him. "So, one week to try-outs. You got the
whole thing memorized yet?"
"I've been working
on it," Jaylon said like a piece of wood.
"Yeah, I think I've
decided to just play hooky on Monday," Camille said.
"There's a great
plan," Nick said, and there was only harshness in the words.
"Then Allen can flunk you, and you get to start over again."
Camille bit the edge
of her bottom lip. "Oh, yeah. We wouldn't want that. Huh?"
No one said anything, and she ducked her head over her Physics homework.
"No. We definitely wouldn't want that."
"That's the bell,"
Mrs. Allen said, striding onto stage as if on cue. "Get settled,
please."
Slowly the noise level
decreased to silence.
"A few minor details
to get out of the way," Mrs. Allen said.
With her elbows glued
to her sides lest she touch either guy, Camille sat, staring at
Mrs. Allen and trying to make sense of what she was saying. Something
about a play over Thanksgiving and running out of time. Then she
said something, and suddenly everyone started moving again. Camille
looked around, struggling to get her brain to work.
"Camille,"
Nick said, standing next to her seat, and when she looked up, she
found herself in the middle of them, both of them staring down at
her, and her with no idea what anyone had said.
With undisguised contempt
Nick glanced at Jaylon. "You want to be my partner or not?"
Partner? Uh-oh. Camille
glanced at Jaylon feeling the trap snap around her. "Umm, maybe
we could ask Steph to join us."
"Steph?" Jaylon
asked, but Camille didn't wait for him to put the pieces together.
She didn't have time.
"Stephanie!"
she called, jumping up from her seat. "Hey, why don't you come
work with us?"
Surprise was the first
thing to cross Stephanie's face, followed quickly by delight. When
Stephanie made it abreast of them, Camille wrapped her arm through
the smaller girl's with a veil of happiness draped firmly over the
misgiving in her chest. "We need another girl, and you're the
best Lauren around."
Stephanie smiled and
allowed herself to be led to the back by Camille, who was followed
closely by Jaylon and Nick. Knowing that if she had any hope of
keeping the peace, she had to take the reins, Camille grabbed them
with a vengeance.
"Steph, why don't
you and Nick read the Lauren-Hawk part?" Camille asked as she
folded her legs underneath her. "Then J. and I can take the
Dominique-Hawk one."
"So you've never
wondered what you want to do with your life then?" Nick asked,
and Stephanie fell right into place as Lauren.
When the bell rang, Camille breathed a grateful sigh of relief.
If it hadn't been for Stephanie, Camille was sure she would've been
the punching dummy in the middle of two pugilists. The four of them
walked to their seats and gathered their things.
"You read really
well," Jaylon said to Stephanie, and he sounded like he meant
it.
"Thanks," Stephanie
said as a smile burst onto her face. Then she turned to Camille.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Camille
said from her position in between Jaylon and Nick even as she wished
there was a way to simply disappear.
"See ya." With
a wave, Stephanie sauntered up the aisle and disappeared through
the door.
"She's nice,"
Nick said, startling Camille back from her escape plans.
"Yeah, she is."
One guy on either side of her Camille stepped out of the row and
made her way up the aisle. If she could just figure out a way to
get them passed this animosity, maybe this wouldn't be so difficult.
"Boy, listening to you two, Mrs. Allen is going to have a tough
time casting Hawk."
"I don't think Lauren
is going to be a piece of cake to cast either," Jaylon said.
"Lauren?" Camille
asked in surprise. "Ariana's got a lock on that part."
Nick shook his head as
his arm pushed through the door to let the other two through. "I
wouldn't be so sure of that."
"Trust me,"
Camille said. "The casting of Lauren won't even be a close
race."
"Maybe, maybe not,"
Nick said.
"No, Nick. I think
Camille has a point. Lauren's going to be easy to cast," Jaylon
said.
Disgustedly Nick shrugged.
"Whatever you say. You're the expert."
"Well, this is my
turn," Jaylon said, stopping in the middle of the melee. "Take
care you two."
"Yeah, you too,"
Camille said, and then she realized that Nick hadn't stopped with
them. With a quick wave to Jaylon, she turned her steps down the
hallway. "Hey, Nick, wait up!" Three long steps later
she caught up with him. "Okay, I know this is a stretch, but
could you at least not start World War III over this?"
"I was civil."
"Barely," she
said. "Look, I know he's not your favorite person, and I can
deal with that. But he is my friend, and I'd appreciate it if you'd
at least try not to look like you're going to be sick when he's
around."
At their lockers, Camille
opened hers with a bang.
"Trouble?"
Lexie asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Jaylon," Nick
said with a clinch of his jaw.
"Ah." Lexie
nodded and then exhaled. "Is he really so terrible?"
"Yes," Nick
said.
"No," Camille
said at the same time.
Lexie looked from one
to the other. "Fine. Then you're just going to have to agree
to disagree about this and be done with it."
"Fine," Nick
said angrily.
"Fine," Camille
said as she slammed her locker closed and turned on her heel. "I've
got to get home." And without waiting for a reply, she stomped
out.
She could see being upset
about the whole play thing. She really could, but she wasn't Nick.
And he wasn't her. And no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't
make herself not trust Jaylon-or stop liking him.
At the bus stop, she
leaned against the pole and tried to work through a solution to
the whole mess, but all she found was more problems.
"Going my way?"
Jaylon asked in her ear, and instantly Camille turned and smiled.
"You've got to quit
doing that. You know?"
"I know." The
gleam in his eyes said he had no intention of quitting. "But
it's just so much fun."
"For you maybe,"
she said, turning to face him.
"So, you want a
ride or not?"
"What do you think?"
They had only been at her apartment a few minutes when Daria bounced
in through the door.
"Hey, girlfriend,"
Camille said, greeting her sister. "How was school?"
"We made turkeys!"
Daria said, and then she spied Jaylon who was sitting at the table.
"Hi, Dar,"
he said as if she might actually be mad he was there.
"Hi," she said
softly as she cowered behind Camille.
He held a tentative hand
out to the little girl. "Can I see your turkey?"
Slowly Daria set it on
the table in front of him, and Jaylon fanned both hands through
his hair as he laid his hands on the table before resting his chin
on top of them. "Very, very nice. I think you could be an artist
if this whole acting thing doesn't work out."
Daria giggled.
"You got homework?"
Camille asked.
"A little,"
Daria said, scrunching her nose.
"Well, why don't
you go get it done? Mom will be home in a little bit, and then we'll
eat."
"Okay," Daria
said and skipped off down the hallway.
Jaylon watched her go,
and then he looked at Camille who had already resumed her position
stirring supper. "You really are more like her mother."
Camille shrugged. "Somebody's
got to." Feeling the statement encroaching a little too close
to her core, she turned her attention to the script on the counter
and leafed through it. "I really need to work on the Dominique-Lauren
fight. I think I've got Lauren down pretty well, but Dominique is
really giving me fits."
For a moment he looked
like he might object, but then he picked up his script. "Go
for it."
As he watched her, Jaylon couldn't help but notice how stilted she
sounded as Dominique, and it occurred to him that what she had said
the last time they were in this kitchen together was exactly right.
She was nothing at all like Dominique-overbearing, self-centered,
pushy, conceited. No, there wasn't even a smidgen of Dominique hiding
anywhere in Camille.
He read Lauren's lines
all the while wishing he could hear Camille read them. She was such
a perfect Lauren, so natural in her love of books and her endearing
awkwardness, but she was just as natural at the innate goodness
that Lauren personified. Yes, Mrs. Allen had to be absolutely blind
to pass over Camille for the part of Lauren.
"I hate to break
this up," Camille said suddenly glancing at the clock over
his head, "but I need to go check on Daria and her homework
and finish supper before Mom gets home."
"Oh, no problem."
Jaylon closed his script and stood from the table. "I guess
I need to be getting home too."
A step at a time Camille
followed him to the door. However, at the door his heart said he
just didn't want to leave yet, and it turned him around and brought
him with a bump right into her.
"Oh, sorry,"
she said, taking a surprised step backward.
His heart wanted to look
at her, but his brain wouldn't let him for fear he might lose all
semblance of cool right there. "I'll see you in school tomorrow?"
"Yeah," she
said, but the syllable barely made it from her lips to his ears.
"Well, take care
of yourself," he said, stalling for one more precious moment
with her.
"You, too."
Then before he had time
to question it, he leaned in and brushed her lips with his. It was
a simple act that had hounded his mind ever since their first kiss
on his doorstep, but the second his lips touched hers, the gesture
was anything but simple. Stunned by the intensity that washed through
him with that one simple touch, he pulled away from her and ran
his fingers through his hair. "I'd better be going."
"Yeah."
With a single nod, he
wrenched the doorknob and escaped outside. He didn't want to, but
it was quickly becoming clear how close to the edge of sanity he
was living these days. Camille Wright, with her glasses and books,
made no sense in his life. And yet the more he was with her, the
more it was beginning to feel like she was the only thing in his
life that made any sense at all.
On a white, fluffy cloud of happiness Camille floated through classes
on Tuesday and Wednesday. Even Nick and his never-ending abhorrence
of Jaylon couldn't bring her down. Wednesday when she said good-bye
to Jaylon in the middle of the bustling hallway, she wondered how
she would ever last until Monday without seeing him again.
With the Thanksgiving
holiday, the center would be closed for the weekend making even
that prospect of seeing him disappear. So it was with a heavy heart
that she said good-bye to him, promising even as she did so that
she would practice over the break. Leaving him was like leaving
a piece of her heart behind, and all day Thursday her thoughts kept
bumping into him.
Thanksgiving with family.
It sounded wonderful. In her world Thanksgiving was three people
hovered over a small chicken, browned in the oven, some Stove Top
Stuffing, and a couple of pathetic looking yams. It was supposed
to be festive, but it wasn't.
Her family had never
quite perfected the festive mood. There were always too many problems
bearing down on them for that. After dinner, Camille escaped to
her room under the pretext of working on college applications, but
once there, she pulled out her script and flopped onto her bed.
If she could just get
Dominique down...
Like sitting on a pincushion that had mistakenly been laid upside
down, Jaylon sat at the dinner table. The spread was impressive
even for Marianne, who of course hadn't lifted a finger in the preparation
of the meal. In fact, House Beautiful could walk in right now and
start snapping pictures of the table, and it wouldn't seem at all
strange.
"More turkey?"
Marianne asked Jaylon's grandfather as she held up a slab with knife
and fork.
"Certainly,"
Mr. Russell Quinn, Sr. said, offering his plate.
"It's all so wonderful,
Marianne," Jaylon's grandmother said approvingly.
"Well, we're just
so glad you all could make it," Marianne said with the fakest
smile Jaylon had ever seen.
Burying his gaze deep
in the middle of his turkey and gravy, he forked into it, wishing
he could simply disappear.
"So, Jaylon, my
boy, have you made the big decision yet?" his grandfather asked,
and Jaylon dug deeper into his hole.
"Umm, no. Not yet."
"Don't mumble,"
his father mumbled to him angrily. "You were raised better
than that."
Reluctantly Jaylon looked
up from his plate and cleared his throat. "Umm, no, Sir. I
haven't made up my mind yet."
"He got an application
to Duke yesterday," his father said emphasizing the statement
with a proud smile.
"Duke?" his
grandfather said obviously impressed. "That's a good school.
Good school, good grades, good job."
"That's what I keep
telling him," his father said. "But you know kids today.
They don't seem to see an opportunity when it walks up and knocks
them over the head."
"Well, Russ,"
his grandfather said with a patronizing smile. "Now there are
a lot of good schools out there. I'm sure Jaylon can find one he
likes."
"What are you planning
on studying?" his grandmother asked, completely oblivious to
the fact that Jaylon was no longer a part of the conversation.
"I'm trying to talk
him into marketing or finance," his father said. "Isn't
that right, J?"
"Yeah," Jaylon
said to his turkey.
"Jaylon Patrick,"
his father said sharply, causing every gaze in the room to snap
to his face, and instantly he smiled at the rest of the table.
"Sorry," Jaylon
said sullenly. "Umm, I haven't really decided what I'm going
to study yet." He looked up at the gazes glued to him, and
for one reckless second his heart took over for his brain. "I'd
kind of thought about acting."
"Humph," his
grandfather said, instantly dropping his gaze as he knifed into
his turkey. "Actors are a dime a dozen, son, and most of them
make about that much money at it too."
"Now, Russell, that's
not true. Didn't you read what that Altman guy got for his last
picture?" Jaylon's grandmother said.
"That's one in a
million, Arlene. That's not reality," his grandfather said
dismissively. Then he leveled his knife at Jaylon. "I say you
should listen to your father. Marketing and finance are fine fields,
and you wouldn't be scraping the bottom of the bucket to make ends
meet either."
The fight and the recklessness
beaten right out of him, Jaylon nodded as his head bent closer to
the table. What he wanted mattered less than a squashed bug to these
people, and that would never change.
"You really should
listen to your grandfather. He knows of what he speaks," Jaylon's
father said solidly. Then he looked to the far side of the table.
"Could you pass me some more of those yams?"
When the phone rang at one-thirty on Friday, Camille barely even
heard it as she hunched over her Calculus. Another call for her
mother. Another party. Another boyfriend. Another night for Camille
spent playing mommy-nothing new.
"Camille!"
her mother called down the hall, startling her to her feet. "Phone!"
"Coming!" Without
so much as a backward glance, she left her books, went down the
hall, and into the kitchen. "Who is it?"
"Some boy."
Her mother sat down at the table obviously having no intention of
giving her oldest daughter privacy with this call.
Carefully Camille pulled
the phone off the counter and cleared her throat. "Hello?"
"Hey," Jaylon
said, and she couldn't stop the smile even as she turned to the
counter.
"Hey."
"Happy Thanksgiving."
"Same to you."
"So, are you totally
bored out of your mind yet?"
"Getting there."
"So am I. You up
for a little road trip?"
Concern and confusion
draped over her. "Huh?"
"A road trip. You
know. Get in the car and drive."
"Oh." Unconsciously
her hand wrapped the phone cord around and around itself. "I
don't know."
"Dar can come with
us-if you're babysitting."
"It's not that."
Camille glanced at her mother sitting at the table. "I've just
got some homework I need to get done."
"Over the holidays?"
"I don't want to
get behind."
"Well, you can bring
your books if you want-if you need to study."
"In the car?"
"Or we could work
on the script," he said hopefully, and then his side of the
line went quiet. "I just thought it would be nice to get away
for awhile."
"Yeah, I'd really
like to," she said, her voice softening with each word. "But
I don't think I'll be able to today, but thanks for asking."
"Sure." The
line hummed between them. "Well, I guess I'd better go then."
"Okay." Her
heart ached for making her say no. "I'll see you Monday?"
"Yeah, Monday."
"I'd better go.
See ya later." And she signed off before she quietly replaced
the phone on its base.
"Who was that?"
her mother asked.
"A guy from school,"
Camille said with an off-handed shrug.
"Oh?" The interest
in her mother's voice peeked. "What'd he want?"
"Not much."
Camille reached into the cabinet and grabbed a glass. "He just
thought I might want to go on a drive with him."
She felt her mother's
gaze following her around the kitchen. "Why'd you turn him
down?"
"I need to study."
Slowly her mother shook
her head. "You and those books. They don't replace living you
know?"
Camille filled her glass
and replaced the water in the refrigerator. "I don't want to
get behind."
"Behind? I'd think
you'd be so far ahead by now that you could just quit studying for
the rest of the year, and you'd still be ahead of everyone else."
Anger and frustration
crashed over her. "How would you know? You're never around
enough to notice."
The words knocked her
mother back several inches, and for a long moment, she just sat,
staring at her daughter. "I just hate for you to waste your
whole senior year holed up in that room of yours. There's so much
more to life."
Defiantly Camille raised
her chin. "Like what? Guys? Parties? Dances?"
"Yeah," her
mother said slowly.
"Well, maybe I want
something different for my life. Maybe those things aren't as important
to me as they are to..."
"Me?" her mother
asked as her eyes softened. "Yes, Camille, I have a life, and
I'm not going to apologize for that. But you deserve to have a life
too."
"And Daria?"
Camille asked as the anger jumped on her. "What does she deserve?
Huh? To be left alone here for hours on end? Is that what she deserves,
Mom?"
Her mother's gaze fell
from Camille's face. "Look, I know I haven't always been the
mother you wanted me to be, but I've done my best."
"Yeah? Well, you're
best isn't good enough." At that moment Camille's gaze snagged
on Daria's curls hovering in the doorway. Guilt layered on top of
the guilt already in her heart, and seeing no way to say what she
really wanted to, Camille stepped passed her sister. "I've
got studying to do."
She pushed the fearful
sound of Daria's voice in the kitchen out of her head as she shut
her door and sat back down. The last thing she wanted to do was
scare Daria. She, of all people, knew what it was like to hear people
you loved fighting over you. But for some reason, when she was around
her mother, she couldn't stop her words. It wasn't fair-being asked
to be an adult when she had done nothing to ask for that mantle
early.
Furiously she scribbled
a formula on her notebook. What had Jaylon said about liking how
she was when she had fun? Well, she did too. However, that wasn't
real life. Not even close. Slurpies at midnight in November. That
was for kids-for irresponsible, immature kids, and she had far too
much to do to waste time being irresponsible and immature.
When the knock sounded on her door ten minutes later, she thought
for a moment that she'd imagined it. Her pencil stopped in mid-formula,
however, as she gazed at the door. Faintly it sounded again.
"Who is it?"
she asked, not sure who would be worse-her mother or Daria.
"The Easter Bunny,"
the voice on the other side said, and she smiled despite the confusion
that jumped to her mind.
Instantly she reached
over and twisted the knob. "J?"
The door swung inward,
and there, leaning on the doorframe was the black jacket, the dark
hair, and the steel blue eyes, gazing down on her with a smile tucked
firmly behind them.
"What are you doing
here?" she asked as she sat back in her chair in astonishment.
"Well, I figured
if I couldn't get Mohammed to the mountain, then I'd bring the mountain
to Mohammed."
"Huh?"
He shrugged. "I
figured if you were too busy to come with me, then I'd come sit
with you."
Camille shook her head.
"You must really be bored."
He laughed. "Totally.
So, what do you say? You need some company?"
Her gaze fell to her
books as the formulas swam before her eyes. "I don't know how
much company I'll be."
"Well, anything's
better than staring at my walls all afternoon." He straightened
and took a hesitant step into her room. At her bed, he sat on the
edge of it. "What are you studying?"
"Calculus."
He wrinkled his nose.
"More math."
"As usual,"
she said with a laugh. She put her pencil back to the notebook,
but Calculus had suddenly lost all of its allure. "So, how
was your Thanksgiving?"
"Boring," he
said, laying his chin on the corner of her chair, causing her thought
processes to cease altogether. "How about yours?"
"About the same."
She glanced over at him and laughed softly.
"What?"
"You must be really
hard up to want to sit there and watch me do Calculus."
"I figured if maybe
I'd sit here long enough, you'd get tired of math and take me up
on my offer."
"A drive?"
she asked, returning her attention to her book in self-defense.
"I couldn't hurt
to try."
Her pencil worked over
the notebook. "Well, where would we go?"
"It's a secret."
Instantly wary she looked
at him. "A secret? That's pretty broad."
He grinned at her. "Say
you'll come, and you can find out."
She forced her pencil
to continue for two more seconds, but when he didn't move, her brain
frazzled. He couldn't really be serious about sitting here watching
her all day. Could he?
"Your mom said it
would be all right," he said, sensing he had a foothold.
"Oh, she did. Did
she?" Camille asked, trying to be angry, but not quite making
it.
"And she'll watch
Dar, so we're free and clear."
Free and clear. For some
inexplicable reason those words struck fear into her heart. "And
what if I say no?"
"Then I sit here
and watch you all afternoon."
With a sigh aiming for
resignation, Camille looked at him. "You're not going to give
this up. Are you?"
He raised both eyebrows
at her. "Nope."
"Fine." She
slammed her pencil to the desk. "Then I give up."
"I was hoping you'd
say that."
The side streets lined with houses flashed by the blue Camaro's
windows until they gave way to open fields of pale yellow. All day
long, all Jaylon could think about was getting away and coming here-with
her. No one had to tell him, he knew she would understand. This
place, so central to who he was and yet so secret that only he and
a mind dimmed beyond recognition knew about it, was the only place
that his heart wanted to be anymore.
"When you said drive,
you weren't kidding," Camille said, her gaze firmly planted
outside.
"I hope you don't
mind." He glanced over at her. "I just really didn't want
to be alone."
Her gaze swung back into
the car and settled on him. "Why not?"
"Oh, you know...
life." He fought to get a relaxed smile on his face. "It's
just been one of those days."
"Want to tell me
about it?" she asked, reaching out to him with only her words,
but he felt their gentle touch just the same.
He shook his head as
the smile slid off his face. "It's a lot of things."
"Pick one."
He exhaled, wondering
how ridiculous and insignificant his problems would seem next to
hers. "I'm not going to apply to Julliard."
Instantly her eyebrows
knitted together. "Why not?"
As though it meant nothing,
he shrugged. "It's not worth it."
"Not worth it? But
I thought it was your dream."
"Yeah, I thought
so too." His hands guided the car around the final turn and
up the driveway now overgrown except for the two tire tracks lining
it.
Camille's gaze traveled
from him out to the little farmhouse and the old tree beyond. "Where
are we?"
Quickly, he shoved the
car into park. "Come on."
With questioning eyes,
she met him at the front of the car, and as though he was reaching
for the last branch on his way down a mountainside, he grabbed for
her hand. It felt right. As strange and unfathomable as that was,
it just felt right.
Side by side they walked
through the underbrush until he stopped at the tree and pulled her
in to his chest.
"Jaylon, it's beautiful,"
she said, so softly he knew she felt the magic too.
The creek somewhere far
below bubbled over the rocks on its way to forever as above them
the wind brushed through the tree branches, which still clung to
the last of their autumn clothes. Peace settled over him as his
soul opened up. Without willing them to, his eyes fell closed and
let the rest of his senses imprint this feeling on his memory instead.
Camille, small and soft,
fit perfectly into the circle of his arms, and as he stood there
wrapped around her, he wondered how he had ever thought he had truly
lived before this moment. Words, pale and bleak, couldn't come close
to describing the sensations unleashed by the feeling of her body
next to his.
Gently his hands ran
themselves over her arms even as he felt her head relax into the
warmth of his chest. A single tear, unbidden, wound down his cheek,
chilled by the soft wind wafting passed him. If life could get anymore
perfect than this, he certainly didn't know how.
Unconsciously his hand
reached up and feathered his hair back from his eyes just before
running itself deftly over his cheek. Crying. It was such a sissy
thing to do. He would never have been caught dead with tears on
his face in Ariana's presence or Seth's or anyone else's on the
face of the earth.
He felt Camille's head
lift, and when he looked down at her, he knew she had seen it. A
soft smile formed in his heart. "So, what do you think?"
"I don't know what
to think." She gazed up at him. "Why did you bring me
here?"
The peace from moments
before vanished, and nerves filled its space. "I've just always
thought this was a really cool place. I thought you might think
so too."
Her smile banished a
measure of his nerves. "It's amazing." Once again, she
laid her head into him and this time wrapped one arm around his
waist. She stood simply holding him for a long moment. "So,
are you going to tell me or not?"
"Tell you what?"
"Why your dream
isn't worth it."
He stood unspeaking,
the words all jamming themselves into the same space in his brain,
and somehow he hadn't even known they were there.
"You don't have
to act like it doesn't matter," she said softly. "Because
I know it does."
Slowly he shook his head,
trying to clear it of his father's words and brush hers away simultaneously.
"It was stupid to ever even think about going."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not
good enough to get in there."
"How do you know?"
"Because."
Anger flashed into his voice. "I look at Ari, and she's so
intense about Julliard. It's like it's her destiny to go there,
and she'll die if she doesn't get to go. But it was never like that
for me."
"Never?"
Confusion knotted across
his forehead. "Not really. It was always more of her dream
than mine."
Camille pulled back enough
to look at him. "Then why does not going bother you so much?"
He couldn't meet her
gaze as his fell to the grass at their feet. "Because I'm not
just giving up on Julliard." Wordlessly she watched him, simply
waiting for the rest of the story. He looked at her sadly. "My
dad wants me to go to Duke."
Her gaze never wavered
from his eyes. "And what do you want?"
With an angry yank, he
pulled himself from her and leaned against the tree like a limp
reed. "I don't know. What does it matter?"
"What does it matter?"
she asked incredulously. "It matters for every conceivably
important reason in the world."
"To who?" he
asked, and the callousness bit into him. "Certainly not to
my dad."
Her tone softened then.
"Well, to me for one, but more importantly it matters to you."
"How do you know
that?"
"Because your dreams
are a part of you. That's how. They're a part of who you are-who
you really are when nobody else is around. They aren't just a piece
you can break off and set down and forget they ever existed. They're
woven into you." She stepped behind him and placed her hand
in the warm space over his heart. "They're woven into here."
Defiantly he tried to
push the gentleness of her touch away from his heart. "But
what if nobody else understands them? What if everybody else thinks
I'm making a huge mistake?"
"Who's living this
life you or them?"
He laughed softly at
the import of that statement and shook his head. "You've got
it all figured out. Don't you?"
"Me?" She let
her hand drop as she stepped away from him toward the gash. "Yeah,
right. I'm as lost as you are."
His gaze followed her
the several paces she took away. "Well, you hide it pretty
well."
Her arms wrapped around
her chest. "I guess I've had a lot of practice." Then
she turned on him, pinning him to the tree with one look. "But
this isn't about me. It's about you and your decision or non-decision
as it looks now. So, if Julliard is out, what then?"
"If I knew that,
my life would be solved."
"Life doesn't get
solved," she said with a laugh. "You get through every
day just to get to the next day's problems. They don't just give
up and go home you know."
He smiled at her hopefully.
"Do you think maybe we could figure out a way to make them
go home and not come back?"
"Julliard."
Her gaze never softened. "If you're not applying there, then
where?"
The smile faded. "I
don't know."
"Duke?"
"No."
"UCLA?"
Stunned that she had
remembered that off-handed reference, he stopped. "Maybe."
"Maybe. Well, that's
at least progress. Where else?"
"NYU," he said
softly, giving voice for the first time to the thought that he'd
only allowed himself to think in the middle of the night with the
darkness surrounding him.
"NYU?" she
asked, stopping her barrage of questions. "Really?"
He shrugged. "They've
got a good drama school, and everything. But..."
"But what?"
she asked, not letting him off the hook for even a second.
His head slowly moved
back and forth. "My dad."
"Ah-ha." The
confusion lifted from her face. "So it's not the school he's
so worried about then."
Jaylon couldn't meet
her gaze.
"Well, if drama
isn't his idea of the perfect major what is?"
Squirming just to say
the word, he looked at her sheepishly. "Finance."
Her eyebrows shot up.
"Finance? You?"
"Yes, me. Why? Is
that so hard to believe?"
"Well, no,"
she said slowly, and then she looked right at him. "Well, yes.
If you know anything about you, finance would be like last on the
list-right behind chicken farming and calculus."
"That's pretty low,"
he said, fighting the smile.
She laughed. "Yeah,
it is." Then she grew serious. "So, what then? Are you
going to tell him you're going to live your own life, or are you
going to let him live your life for you?"
Jaylon shrugged, wishing
he never had to answer that question. "Do I have to answer
that?"
"Yeah," she
said softly. "I'm afraid you do."
As Jaylon lay between the sheets later, he thought about her words,
and he knew she was right. If he followed the path his father had
laid out for him, he would be miserable. He could take his dream
and bury it beneath a mound of paperwork and expectations, and yet
it would never really go away. It would always be right there with
him.
In the darkness he laid
his hand over his heart just as she had done, and the calmness of
her presence fell over him. In a breath his decision was made. Whether
it made any sense to his father or to anyone else, it was where
he wanted his life to go. He sat up and snapped on the light.
Padding quietly across
his room, he snapped on his computer and pulled up the application
he had downloaded three months before.
"Your dreams are
a part of you," she whispered from the depths of his heart.
"They're a part of who you are-who you really are when nobody
else is around."
With those words woven
tightly into the fabric of his being, he laid his fingers to the
keyboard, and for the first time he began putting his dreams down
on paper for the rest of the world to see.
Chapter
16
The first impression
Camille had of Jaylon when he took his seat next to hers on Monday
afternoon was that he looked lighter somehow.
"Hey," she
said. "How was the rest of your weekend?"
"Great," he
said with a smile couched in undeniable happiness.
"Did you talk to
your dad?"
"Not yet, but I
did send this off." He flipped a set of stapled papers onto
her lap.
Questioningly she picked
them up, and the understanding washed over her. "NYU."
He nodded. "Wish
me luck."
"Luck," she
said just as his gaze jumped over her head. She turned as Nick slid
into the seat on the other side of her. "Well, look what the
cat dragged in."
"You ready for this?"
Nick asked, holding up the script, and immediately Camille wished
he hadn't.
"As ready as I'll
ever be I guess," she said. "You?"
"I'm just ready
to get it over with," Nick said.
"Me, too,"
Jaylon said although Camille wasn't quite sure the conversation
included him.
Furtively she handed
the application back to Jaylon and sat up straighter when Mrs. Allen
stepped onto the stage. Camille pushed her glasses up onto her nose,
knowing there was no backing out now even though she was still looking
for a last possible escape.
"As you all know
tryouts begin today." Mrs. Allen slid the chalkboard over to
the center of the stage. "I've drawn up a preliminary schedule
for the initial auditions. We'll start with each person trying out
on one part for your grade, and then I'll have callbacks as I begin
actually casting the parts. Questions?"
Camille sank in her chair,
not buoyed one bit by the presence of the two experienced thespians
on either side of her.
"We'll start with
the Dominique-Lauren discussion," Mrs. Allen said, writing
the topic on the board.
Praying that her name
would not appear, Camille watched the chalkboard. Jennifer and Melissa.
When Mrs. Allen turned, Camille let out a whoosh of air.
Jaylon leaned into her.
"Saved."
Not thinking it was nearly
as funny as he seemed to, she glowered at him. The two girls stepped
onto stage looking as afraid as Camille knew she would eventually.
"Good luck,"
she whispered from her seat as, on stage, the fight started.
They made it through the fight, the scene with Hawk and Dominique,
and one try-out featuring Ethan and Dominique before the bell rang.
Camille stood even as Mrs. Allen continued to call out final instructions
over the departing students.
"So, we're down
to Ethan and Dominique and Hawk and Lauren," Jaylon said, looking
over to Nick. "Which one do you want?"
"Lauren," Nick
said, and although Camille knew he was seriously trying to be a
pain, she laughed anyway.
"Now that I can
see." She hugged her books and walked out between the two of
them. "In neon lights, 'Don't Listen to the Fates, featuring
Nick McGee as Lauren.'"
"I don't know,"
Jaylon said jokingly. "He's good, but I still think that would
be a stretch."
"Well, which one
do you want?" Nick asked defensively as they reached the door.
"I'd like Hawk,"
Jaylon said honestly. "But I'm probably better for Ethan."
"Why's that?"
Nick asked taken aback.
"Conceited, obnoxious,
annoying?" Jaylon asked, looking at Nick. "You really
have to ask?"
For a split second fear
jumped into Camille's gut. Please be nice, Nick. Please.
"Well, you're not
that bad," Nick said, and around the edges of the statement
lurked a laugh.
"See," Jaylon
said, looking at Camille with a nod. "Ethan."
She smiled at him and
shook her head. "Just be glad you're going to get something.
I'm just praying I don't get up there and choke." With one
hand she reached up and clenched her throat as she made gagging
sounds.
"Such great confidence
she has," Jaylon said to Nick.
"Hey, if she gets
on the stage, that's an accomplishment," Nick said.
The gagging noises stopped.
"I'll have you know I have every one of these lines memorized,
so there."
"Oh, yeah?"
Nick asked teasingly. "Prove it."
For one blink she tried
to make herself remember where she was, but then his challenge took
over. "Mom used to take me to the office with her sometimes,
and I'd watch her sitting there, taking orders from all these other
people about when something was supposed to be done or how it was
supposed to be done. I'd sit in that corner, and I'd be reading.
But I wasn't really reading at all, I was watching. I was watching
her-I was watching her lose who she was a little bit at a time.
"And then when I
was older, I asked her once about why she didn't stand up to those
people, and she said, 'Lauren, the only way to stand up to them
is if you have more education than they do, and I just don't.'"
"But education's
only a part of it," Jaylon said, falling right into the part
even standing smack in the center of the hallway.
Camille shook her head.
"Not according to my mom. To her, an education's everything.
So I decided that I wasn't going to be the person on the outside,
I was going to be on the inside of that office, and I'd never treat
my workers the way they treated my mom."
"So, what then?
You're going to be a banker? A lawyer? A doctor? What?"
"It doesn't matter.
I'm going to be something. Something big. Something powerful. Something
so important that people can't make me feel..." Suddenly Camille
looked around and came back to reality even as her books crushed
themselves against her. "...like I'm not enough."
Blinking back the shock,
Nick gazed at her, his feet frozen to the spot. "That's amazing."
Without glancing at Jaylon,
Camille shrugged. "It won't be tomorrow though. I just wanted
to prove to you I could do it."
"Well, you certainly
did that," Nick said.
Jaylon stood for one
more moment. "I'd better get."
"Take care,"
Nick said, waving slightly.
"I'll see you,"
Camille said, and defiantly turned her steps down the hallway.
She felt Nick come abreast
of her again.
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