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Silver Rain By Staci Stallings "It's so crowded
in here," Leigh Chandler yelled to her cousin, Kari Logan,
who was nimbly sliding around the elbows crowding their path. The party was in full
swing. Lights bounced off the walls in crazy patterns. Music blared
from an unseen stereo. Laughter and shouts came from all directions
at once. Couples jammed the dance floor while partygoers crammed
every other available space. "How did Kari talk
me into this?" Leigh muttered to herself as she pushed her
way through, trying to keep up with Kari's small frame. "I
should be in the dorm getting ready for tomorrow. Maybe I should
just leave. She'd never miss me anyway." "He's here somewhere,"
Kari's voice broke over the noise. Leigh almost bumped into
her cousin when she suddenly stopped. "Who?" "Jamie-of course.
Come on, Leigh, get your head out of the clouds," Kari yelled
to her cousin over the din of music. Kari looks so comfortable
here, Leigh thought with annoyance as she wove her way through the
crush of bodies. Look at her-like a sprite flitting over the flowers. Her cousin's black bob
bounced up and down in front of Leigh in perfect time to the music.
Leigh, on the other hand, felt like a freak. Her red curls stuck
out in all directions, her dress was way too tight to be comfortable,
and the heels she had stupidly worn threatened to toss her headlong
onto the floor with every step. Worse than that, she was now a full
two inches taller than every other girl in the entire room. "I'd kill for some
sneakers right now," she mumbled as she bumped into someone.
"Excuse me. Excuse me, please. Don't lose Kari. Just keep your
eye on her." They had navigated halfway around the dance floor, and all Leigh wanted to do was to go-back to the quiet of her dorm room. Boxes. Yes, she should be unpacking right now. That would be much more productive than this. "Anything would
be more productive than this." Just then she heard a
squeal, and in one breath Kari disappeared into the crush of the
crowd. Leigh shoved her way forward. "Hey! Don't leave me!" "Leigh. Oh, Leigh,"
Kari squealed when she remembered her cousin. "This is him.
The one I've been telling you about. This is Jamie Wakefield." Jamie Wakefield. Leigh
thought sarcastically. Wow. This was the guy Kari had spent more
nights that Leigh cared to count talking about. Okay, so he wasn't
the god Kari described, he was nice looking-a little on the preppy
side, his hair a little on the long side-but nice. Fighting to smile,
Leigh extended her hand, and Jamie took it after disentangling himself
from Kari. "Nice to meet you,
Leigh," he said politely. "So, you're the one who's been
keeping an eye on this one for me." Kari punched him before
taking his arm and wrapping it back around her shoulders. "Nobody
has to keep an eye on me, but if you, Mr. Wakefield, would like
to keep your eyes on me, I won't complain." Obviously the request wasn't necessary because his gaze never moved from Kari again.
Leigh checked her watch
as her eyelids tugged downward. Midnight, and she had class at eight
the next morning. "Kari, come on.
Can't we go already?" Leigh whined, knowing she sounded like
a three-year-old but not really caring. She'd waited patiently for
three hours while Kari and Jamie "caught up" and all-but
ignored her. "Leigh," Kari
hissed, shooting her a look of annoyance. "Jeez. You can be
such a drag sometimes. Go dance. Have some fun. Like us-huh, Jamie?"
She draped her
arms around him octopus-style and kissed him hard. Leigh looked away and
tried not to sigh, but one escaped anyway. She watched the dancers
move with the beat and wished she could be...anywhere...anywhere
but here. She wasn't in the mood to come here in the first place,
but according to Kari this was the dance of the year, and anybody
who was anybody would be here. "Besides,"
Kari had begged, "you have to meet Jamie." The lights dimmed, and
the beat mellowed. "Oh, I love this
song!" Kari cooed as she stood from their chair. "Dance
with me." She pulled Jamie to his feet, and he followed her
to the dance floor. Kari and Jamie. Jamie
and Kari. Templeton High School sweethearts. Until, of course, he
graduated and left sweet Kari at Templeton with her sworn promise
that she would follow him-in one year-to Texas. How many times had
she heard Kari tell that story since January? Hundreds? Thousands?
It was hard to count anymore. At first it was cute-a
diversion of sorts, and at the time, any diversion was welcome.
But as winter turned to spring, and spring to summer, the cute story
had ceased being cute and had become just plain sickening. "Sappy," she
used to tell her Aunt Caroline, Kari's mother. "Can't she ever
talk about anything else?" "You've never been
in love, have you?" was her aunt's standard reply. "Well, if that's
love, I don't want any part of it," Leigh said more than once,
and now watching Kari make a fool of herself with Jamie, she said
it again. The song ended, and Kari practically floated back to the chairs. She was holding onto Jamie so tightly, Leigh wondered how he could even breathe. But Kari just gazed up
at him, and Leigh felt totally invisible. He sat. Kari entwined
herself again, and Leigh fumed. This is ridiculous. It's 12:15.
"Kari, I've got an eight o'clock class tomorrow. I have to
be up at..." "Jeez, Leigh. You
sound like a broken record," Kari spat. "Would you cut
it out? I'm trying to have a good time here, and you're ruining
it." "But, Kari..." "Look, the dance
is over at one..." Kari began in a tone that said Leigh was
about to snap her last nerve. "One?" Leigh
asked in utter disbelief. "And then some of
us are going over to IHOP for breakfast and then..." "Kari." "...we're going..." "Kari!" Leigh
almost shouted. "What?" "I've got to get
some sleep tonight," Leigh said as if she was talking to a
small child. "I've got a class-you know a class, why we're
here, a class-at eight o'clock in the morning. I have to go home
now, or I'll miss it or sleep through it, and I can't do that." Leigh's patience was
wearing thinner with each word, but partying all night and sleeping
through classes was not what she had in mind when she'd agreed to
go with Kari to Texas Tech. "Come on, Leigh,"
Kari said in her little-girl voice that, Leigh had noticed, always
got her whatever she wanted from her parents, "tonight's just
started, and Jamie and I can finally party all night if we want.
No parents. No curfews. Please, Leigh. Please, don't drag me home
now." Kari put on her best
pout face, but Leigh wasn't budging on this one. "Look, I need
to go home. You're my ride. I can't go without you, and besides,
Aunt Caroline said..." "Aunt Caroline said?"
Kari sputtered in utter disbelief. "What? Did I bring my mother
with me to college?" Leigh opened her mouth
to say that Kari needed a mother the way she was acting, but before
she could get anything out, Jamie's voice cut into her retort. "Hey,
what if you take Leigh back to the dorm? I can come pick you up,
and we can go out a while longer." What a diplomat, Leigh
thought with disgust. A diplomatic puppy dog-that's exactly what
Mr. Jamie Wakefield was, and she was sick of hanging around him
and his little octopus. "Fine," Kari
finally spat. "No problem. We'll just take little Miss Perfect
home." She shot Leigh a look of pure hatred and then turned
a sweet smile on Jamie, "and then we can go out and party 'til
the sun comes up. Can't we, sweetheart?" "Great," Jamie
said as though he'd heard and seen none of the sparks flying between
them. They collected their
things and began the slow process of extricating themselves from
the crowd. "We must be going
now," Leigh heard Kari say from behind her. "My cousin
has an eight o'clock class tomorrow-you know, class-as in why we're
here." Leigh tried to ignore
her and pretend that she had no idea who the girl talking was or
who she was talking about. Then abruptly Kari's sarcastic noise
stopped, and Leigh heard Jamie's voice almost in her ear. "She wants to go
home, Kari. That's not a crime. Now cut it out, or I won't be there
to pick you up," he hissed. Leigh smiled. So he could
stand up to Kari if he wanted. That was a good sign anyway-small
but good. Finally, they made it to the doors and squeezed past two
couples kissing in the doorway. The weather outside was incredible-a
perfect August night. Jamie escorted them to
Kari's car saying he'd meet them back at the dorm with a casual
hand brush through his sun-streaked hair. Kari smiled sweetly at
him and said she didn't know how she could possibly wait that long.
Then she wrapped her wrists around his neck and kissed him. With all the patience
she could muster, Leigh looked away. Here she was, trapped again
with puppy-dog boy and octopus girl. She couldn't get into the car
until Kari opened her door, and she couldn't leave, after all she
was the reason they were at the car in the first place. All she
could do was stand there and pretend to be invisible. Finally, mercifully,
they broke apart. Kari unlocked the doors and told Jamie not to
keep her waiting too long. Leigh breathed a sigh of relief as Kari
climbed in and closed her door. But as soon as Leigh's door slammed
shut, Kari almost jumped out of her skin. Gone was the sweet, innocent
girl who had just kissed her boyfriend. "How dare you ruin
this for me," Kari sputtered. "You're a spoiled, Mama's
baby. That's all. So, is this how it's going to be all year? Miss
Perfect always looking over my shoulder reporting in to 'Aunt Caroline'?" "I just want to
go home," Leigh said, pushing Kari's comments away. "'I just wanted
to go home,'" Kari mocked sarcastically. "'You know me,
I'm the good little cousin, the one who never gets in trouble.'" Leigh's body slumped
down in her seat as the Mustang roared toward the dorm. "But you do get
into trouble-don't you, Leigh?" "What's that supposed
to mean?" Leigh stammered, confused by the sudden turn the
conversation had taken. "That's why Aunt Grace sent you to live with us, isn't it?" Kari asked as her sweetness returned. "You did something. Didn't you? Something so bad Aunt Grace couldn't live
with you anymore. Isn't that right, Leigh?" All the air vanished
from the car as Leigh sat in stunned silence. How could her cousin
be so cruel? "I'm right. Aren't
I?" Kari asked, appraising her cousin with a callous and calculating
gaze. "Well, whatever you did, it must've been amazing. I mean
for Aunt Grace to send you all the way across the country-to have
to put three thousand miles between her and you? So what was it,
Leigh? Huh? Did you get in a fight? Did you drive your mother crazy?
Or no, wait, I got it. I bet you were out sleeping around just like
Daddy-o..." Leigh's fingernails dug
into her palms as she closed her eyes to the pain flooding through
her. Don't fight with her. It's not worth it. Don't get into this
now. They pulled into a parking space as Leigh sat, forcing the
air into her lungs. "I mean I can't
say I blame you-sleeping around and all," Kari continued sweetly.
"What is it they say, 'The apple doesn't fall far from the
tree.' Right?" Kari cut the motor, and
the words exploded like dynamite in the air between them. The words
felt like a kick to the stomach. Leigh could barely catch her breath,
and when she tried to speak, no words would come. But it didn't
matter. Kari was already out and bouncing over to Jamie's waiting
car, and in seconds they sped away. The darkness swallowed
Leigh as she squeezed her eyes closed against the overwhelming ache.
In a rush the memories flooded back over her, and for the first
time in many months, the tears poured out of the sorrow in her heart. Six-thirty the next morning
came early for Leigh. She hadn't slept well. It took two hours for
her ears to quit ringing, and when she finally did fall asleep around
four, Kari came in and made enough noise to wake the dead. Why had Leigh insisted
they be roommates? The way this was looking, being on the same planet
might be too close to get to Kari right now, and here she was in
the same room with her. When the alarm rang,
Leigh immediately hit the snooze button and drifted back to sleep.
Just a few more minutes. The second time the alarm rang, she managed
to talk herself out of simply turning it off and returning to dreamland.
Once I get my feet on the floor, I'll be all right. With supreme
willpower she pulled her tired body out of bed and swung her feet
to the floor. But her calves screamed in pain the second her toes
made contact. No more heels-never again. In thirty minutes she
showered, dressed, grabbed her books, and left the room for the
cafeteria. How funny firsts always seemed. Soon this would all be
routine, but not today. It felt good to be beginning anew. It'd
been a tough year, but here she was on her own now, and she wanted
to savor every minute of it. She took her food to
a small table, sat, and just watched the others. Mostly freshmen,
she thought as she watched the morning crowd descend on the tables.
Sophomores probably didn't take eight o'clock classes. But she wanted
the early start. She had something to prove. This was part of getting
her life back together-on her own terms, and this time, she was
ready. When her last class of
the day, Psychology 101, ended at 11, Leigh couldn't wait to get
back to the dorm to start studying. There seemed to be a million
pages to read, but so far class was okay. History at 8 looked to
be pretty easy. Same story, fourth verse. Psych would be interesting,
too. It was something she'd never taken before, but it was also
a subject that interested her immensely. Only one class scared her-Chemistry. The professor, Dr. Greensboro,
had informed the class that Chemistry was not a blow-off class.
He realized it was at 9 o'clock and that most brains on college
campuses didn't start functioning until well past noon, but to survive
in his class, you would have to be, in his words, "prepared,
prepared, prepared." Leigh was determined
to be prepared, prepared, prepared. She wanted to do well in all
of her classes, and she took Dr. Greensboro's admonition as a personal
challenge. She entered the dorm
and started up the stairs to her room, but halfway up she was practically
run over as Kari came flying down the steps in the opposite direction.
"Oh, Leigh. Sorry. Didn't see you there. Gotta go. I'm late."
And with that Kari was out the door. Slowly Leigh shrugged.
Oh, well. I didn't want to talk to her anyway. Kari's words from
the night before sounded in Leigh's head again, and she deliberately
pushed them away as she trudged up the rest of the stairs and unlocked
her door. This was it-a new start-and not even Kari could ruin it.
At 12:30 Kari tumbled
back into the room. Leigh had only been reading for an hour, but
the words were already starting a slow swimming motion across the
page. "Want to go to lunch?"
Kari asked with no trace of the venomous attack from the night before.
"Some of the girls down the hall are going, and I said you
might want to go, too." "Sounds good to
me." Leigh slammed the book. "My brain's mush." There was a knock on
the door as Kari unloaded her backpack on the bed. "Come in,"
Kari called like a songbird. The door swung open,
and two young women walked in. "This is Kim Holden
and Pam Williams. They live next door," Kari said, waving in
their direction absently. "This is Leigh-my roommate and my
favorite cousin." Before Leigh could move,
Kari reached out and gave her a bear hug as though they were long-lost
cousins who hadn't seen each other in years. Leigh tried not to
look uncomfortable, but it was difficult. What was Kari doing? She
was all over the place. Last night she was acting like the wicked
witch of the west, and today she was Glenda the good fairy. Luckily their new neighbors
seemed oblivious to the tension Leigh felt. "Hi, I'm Pam,"
the short, black-headed girl said as she extended her hand. "And I'm Kim,"
the taller one who had beautiful brown waves of hair and perfectly
straight teeth said, smiling. As Leigh reached out
to shake her hand, Kari said, "Let's go already. I'm starving." Leigh's hand was in mid-air,
and she awkwardly let it drop unsure of what else to do. But she
didn't have long to feel awkward because Kari bounced between them
and out the door. The other three dutifully followed. As they descended the
stairs, Kari kept up a one-woman conversation about how hard her
Algebra class was going to be. "Math was always my weakest
subject. I just don't see how I'll ever make it through it." At least Leigh had two
co-prisoners this time. Lunch would be eternal in Kari's clutches,
and she didn't dare let herself think beyond lunch. "So, Pam,"
Leigh broke in when Kari took a breath, "have you had any classes
this morning?" "Yeah. English 101.
It looks pretty easy, but there's going to be a lot of reading,"
Pam said. "Oh, really? Like
what?" Leigh asked. To be truthful, she really didn't care
what books Pam would be reading as long as the list shut Kari up
for awhile. The rest of lunch went about the same with Kari talking
until someone could break into her monologue long enough to ask
someone else a question. When lunch finally ended
and Kim and Pam had gone to their room, Kari said, "Well, that
went well. Don't you think?" "I guess."
Leigh sat down at her desk and half-heartedly fingered the pages
of her Chemistry book. "But, hey,"
Kari said, stopping on her way out the door, "one piece of
advice-don't hog the conversation so much. It's a real turn-off."
At six Kari called to
say that she was with Jamie and she'd be in late so not to wait
up. Leigh breathed a sigh of relief-a whole evening alone with Kari
would be a real deal-breaker at this point. Leigh had never been
a very outgoing person, and although she wasn't shy, making the
first move had never been her strong suit. So it was with great
anxiety that she knocked on her neighbors' door. "Who is it?"
a voice called from the other side. "It's Leigh-from
next door." "Oh, just a second." There was the sound of
papers shuffling and boxes moving. Suddenly Kim stood in the doorway. "Hi," Leigh
said awkwardly. "Umm...I was just wondering if you or Pam wanted
to go eat." "Oh." Kim glanced
past Leigh into the hall. "Umm, I don't know. We really have
a lot of reading to get done." "Oh...Well. That's
okay," Leigh said, thinking, Why'd I think they'd want to eat
with just me? How stupid can I be? "I just...well, Kari's gone,
and I thought...oh, never mind..." "Kari? Your roommate?"
Kim asked, surveying her suspiciously. "Yeah. Kari, my
roommate..." A flurry of activity
came from inside the room as Kim said, "Oh, just a minute then,
we're starving." Pam appeared then at
Kim's side. "Yeah, we were just talking about how hungry we
were." "But...I thought
you said..." Leigh started, and then the realization hit her. "We really don't
want to be mean," Kim said uncertainly. "I mean we know
she's your cousin
and all, but..." "But she's...well..."
Pam said, searching for the right word. "Annoying?"
Leigh offered suddenly thankful she could be honest about something. Kim smiled. "Very."
When Leigh returned to
her room after eating, the phone was ringing. She quickly unlocked
the door and grabbed it. "Hello?" "Oh, hi, Leigh.
I thought I wasn't going to catch anyone," Aunt Caroline said
with some surprise. "I just made it
back from eating." "Eating? Oh, yeah,
you all are two hours different. I'm going to have to get used to
that," Aunt Caroline said. "So how are classes?" "Oh, great. I had
three today, and I'll have two more tomorrow." "That sounds good,"
Aunt Caroline said, and there was a long pause. "So, have you
met any new friends?" "Yeah. The two girls
next door to us are really nice-Pam and Kim. Kim's from around here
somewhere, and Pam's from somewhere in Nebraska. I think we're going
to get along great." "That's nice, Honey." Another long pause. The
silence was beginning to make Leigh uncomfortable. "Umm, is Kari there?" The question hung on
the wires as Leigh tried to think of an appropriate answer. What
should she tell Aunt Caroline? How much did she want to know? And
how much did Kari want her to know? Leigh didn't want to lie to
her aunt, but she didn't want Kari angry again either. "She's not here
right now," Leigh hedged as she pushed the red curls out of
her face. "She went to eat with Jamie, but she should be back
any time now." It wasn't a total lie, but Leigh still felt
bad for not being honest with her aunt. All she wanted was for this
phone call to be over. "Oh, okay. Well, tell her to call me when she gets in," Aunt Caroline said. "And I hope all
goes well for you, Leigh. I have to go now, but I'll talk to you
soon." And with that Leigh stood
holding a silent receiver. This wasn't what she was expecting. Lying
wasn't something that came easily to her, and she didn't really
want to learn how to do it well either. Think. What do you do in
this situation? "Call Jamie,"
she said to the empty room. "Sure, just call Jamie, and tell
Kari to call her mom. No problem." But as Jamie's phone
continued to ring, she realized she definitely had a problem. "Okay. Okay. No one's home. They went to eat. I'll just call them later," Leigh said as she hung up. If she read for awhile, she could call back in an hour or so, tell Kari about her mom's call, and everything would be fine.
Leigh tried again at
8, 8:30, 9, 9:30 and 10. No answer. Not even from Jamie's roommate.
This was bad-really, really bad. She sat at her desk pushing a pencil
end over end trying to figure out what her next move should be.
Maybe she shouldn't worry about it. Just let Kari face the music.
It might wake her up for a change. "Yeah, that's it.
Good plan," she reassured herself. But she had no more made
that decision than the phone rang. It echoed off the bare walls
in the tiny room, and Leigh jumped a foot before reaching for the
receiver. "Umm, hello?"
she asked tentatively, praying the voice on the other end would
be Kari's. "Oh, hi, Leigh,"
Aunt Caroline said hopefully. Leigh slumped back in
her chair and closed her eyes. This would not be pretty. "Hi," she said,
trying her best to sound bright and cheerful, but she sounded flat
even to her ears. "Umm, I was wondering
if I could talk to Kari." "Kari? Oh sure,"
Leigh said, slumping farther into her chair. "Didn't she call
you?" "No." "Oh, well, she must've
forgotten. She's just bouncing around here with all of her new friends.
You know?" "Oh, well. That's
fine. No big deal," Aunt Caroline said expectantly. At least one of us thinks
this is no big deal. "So, may I speak
with Kari now?" "Now?" Leigh's mind went blank. "Uh, no. Now...now...she's...in the shower." Did Kari shower in the
mornings or evenings? Leigh tried to remember. "The shower?"
Aunt Caroline asked skeptically. "Yeah. She wants
to get an early start tomorrow so she took her shower tonight so
she can just go to class and not have to worry about it tomorrow."
Leigh knew she was rambling. She also knew that she was outright
lying to Aunt Caroline, but her only thought was that she hoped
Aunt Caroline would buy her lies. "Oh, I understand,"
Aunt Caroline said after an interminable pause. "Well, will
you have her call me when she gets back? I just want to find out
how she is." "No problem. I'll
give her the message as soon as she walks in," Leigh said not
having a clue when that might be. "Umm, you know, I hate to
run, but I've really got a lot of reading to do." "Oh, yeah, sure.
I won't keep you. Good luck with your studies, and please, have
Kari call me." "I will. Bye, Aunt Caroline." She hung up the phone and took a deep breath. She was such a bad liar.
Aunt Caroline suspected something. There was no way she bought the
shower story. Great. Just great. Now
what? Try Jamie's again. She dialed and prayed, bargaining with
God to let someone be home while she tried to think of something
she could put up in the bargain to make Him agree. The second she
heard the click on the other end, she thanked Jesus, God, and anyone
else up there who happened to be listening. "Uh, hello?"
a sleepy voice she did not recognize said. "Umm, is this Jamie
Wakefield's room?" "Yes." "Is Jamie there?" "No, he's not. Who's
calling?" "Uh, this is Leigh
Chandler, Kari's cousin." "Would you like
me to take a message?" "Umm...You don't
know where I could reach them. Do you?" "Who?" "Jamie and Kari,"
Leigh said. She was quickly losing patience with the guy on
the other end. "Oh, no, I don't
know where they are. They left a couple hours ago-didn't say where
they were going. Is there something I could help you with?" "Well, I need to
speak with Kari..." Leigh couldn't think straight. "Umm...if
they come in soon...could you have her call me?" "I'll try, but I
really don't know when they'll get in." "I understand."
And she really did. "Just have her call if she comes in soon." "I will." "Thanks." "No problem." And with that he was
gone. This was turning into
a nightmare. Kari was nowhere to be found, Leigh'd lied to her aunt,
and now she was calling around campus in the middle of the night
begging for information from total strangers. No, this was not good
at all. It had sounded like a
good idea back in January when Kari first gave her the application.
After just starting over with all new people in her life, the last
thing Leigh wanted to do was face that again. So it seemed like
the right decision when she filled out the application. She could
go with Kari, and if it didn't work out, she could always go back
to California-or back home. That thought stopped her cold. Home.
Aunt Caroline had called twice tonight just to check on Kari, but
Leigh's mom hadn't bothered to call even once. I wonder if she even
knows what today is, she thought as a dull knifing pain sliced through
her heart. How could a day that had started with so much promise
end like this? Would she ever be able to get free of the memories
and the ache? "Sleep. I need some
sleep. That'll at least help," Leigh said as she got ready
for bed and set her alarm. She wrote Kari a note about her mom and
turned out the light. Why can't the problems
ever just go away? she thought as she drifted off to sleep. Why
does every decision I make eventually come back to haunt me? The sun was shining brightly
when Leigh's eyes first opened and focused. Tuesday. Her first class
didn't start until 12:30 so she rolled over and tried to go back
to sleep. She had almost succeeded when she remembered Kari, and
she sat straight up in bed. "Kari, wake up,"
Leigh said, jumping from the bed and shaking her cousin violently. Kari groaned and rolled
away from the onslaught. "Go away." "Kari, your mom
called last night-twice. Kari, come on you have to call her now." "Leave me alone,"
Kari said as she pulled the pillow over her head. "No, listen to me.
Aunt Caroline called last night. I told her you'd call her back.
You have to call her back now." "I'll call her back
when I get up." "No, come on. She
thought you were going to call her last night." Kari pulled her pillow
under her head drowsily. "Fine. I don't see why I have to call
her right now, but if it'll shut you up, I will." Leigh dialed the number
as Kari sat up on the edge of the bed looking very rumpled and only
half awake. "It's ringing. Here."
Leigh shoved the receiver under Kari's nose. "And try to sound
cheerful and awake. Tell her you forgot to call..." "Hi, Mom," Kari said into the receiver, and then mouthed, "What?" to Leigh. "Oh yeah, Mom, classes are great." She was starting to wake up. "Yeah. Lots of new friends...last
night...when you called?...Oh yeah, the first time I was eating...yeah...the
second time?. . . in the shower...uh-huh..." Leigh sat on her bed
trying to coach Kari into saying the right words. "Tell her
you forgot to call her..." "What?" Kari
said to Leigh. "Just a second, Mom, Leigh's trying to tell
me something." "Tell her you forgot..."
Leigh whispered, trying to keep her voice below her aunt's hearing
level but above her cousin's. "Oh. Leigh said
she forgot to tell me," Kari said brightly. The words hit Leigh like
a lightning bolt. What? Leigh forgot? Leigh didn't forget! Leigh
couldn't find you! But Kari was already babbling on about what a great day she'd had and all the friends she'd met. Leigh decided she'd heard enough, so she went to the closet to get her clothes as Kari's overly cheerful voice rambled on. Surely her aunt could
tell this was all an act. That voice sounded way too bubbly even
for Kari. But for now her aunt seemed to be buying it. Kari said good-bye just
as Leigh reached the door to go take a shower. "Where do you think
you're going?" the evil snarl from behind her hissed. "To take a shower,"
Leigh said matter-of-factly as she opened the door. "I can't believe
you. How could you do that to me?" The question surprised
Leigh-although even she had to admit by this point the surprise
was ridiculous. Her cousin had changed so drastically in the last
two days it was like aliens-or the devil himself-had taken over
her body. "How could I do
what to you?" Leigh asked, turning to face her cousin. "You wake me up,
shove a phone in my face, and make me talk to her first thing in
the morning," Kari shrieked. "I haven't even had my coffee
yet, and you want me to sound cheerful and coherent." "You know what?
I really don't care how you sound," Leigh said stridently.
"I covered for you last night, and let me assure you, that'll
be the last time I'll ever do that again. The next time she calls
and you're not here, I'm going to tell her you are out having a
sleep over with Jamie." "You little witch!"
Kari lunged from the bed, but she was still wrapped in the blankets,
and she fell to the floor only a few feet from Leigh. "You
come in, you take my senior year away from me, you follow me to
college like my mother's Gestapo, and then you get mad when you
have to cover for me one time? I can't take this anymore. Why did
I agree to this? It was stupid." Kari was throwing an all-out hissy fit by now. She was lying on the floor, kicking at her blankets and at the bed with all her might. Leigh just stood and watched the spectacle. "You know what? For once, I agree with you," Leigh said, walking out and slamming the door behind her. How dare Kari say that? How dare she? "Me take her senior year? What about my senior year? Like I did all of this on purpose just to ruin things for her," Leigh muttered. She was angry. No, she was furious. Kari was being unreasonable and just plain cruel. "This can't go on. I can't take it anymore." Leigh wound the hot water faucet on full blast. "I'm going to find a new room, and a new roommate. How hard can that be? Yeah. I'll just find another room."
When Leigh returned,
there was no sign of Kari, and Leigh was grateful to be able to
get ready without her cousin yelling at her. She'd just finished
with her make-up and hair when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?"
Leigh called. "Your hungry neighbor." "Kim," Leigh
said as she opened the door. "Boy, am I glad to see you." "Are you headed
down?" "Yeah. Let me grab
my stuff. You don't have class?" Leigh asked, glancing at the
clock. It was 11 o'clock. "Not until 12:30.
Computers. Oh, thrill." "Better than me,
I've got algebra. I'd take computers any day." "Eek! No kidding,"
Kim said. As they left the room
and walked down the hall, the knots in Leigh's stomach began to
relax. The last hour hadn't been pleasant, and she really needed
something to take her mind off the Kari situation for awhile. "So, what was the
fight all about?" Kim asked tentatively when they were halfway
down the stairs. "Fight?" "Yeah. We could
hear you guys through the walls. Lots of yelling and slamming." Leigh wrinkled her nose.
"Sorry about that." "No problem. We
were a little worried about you though. Pam had class, but we figured
someone'd better check on you. You know, make sure there wasn't
blood all over the floor or something." "No," Leigh
laughed, "not even a scratch on me. Amazing isn't it?" "It is," Kim
said, appraising her and nodding. But then the laughter
dissipated, and Leigh sighed. "No, no scars on the outside,
but...well, I'm thinking about moving out." "Ah, man, I hate
to hear that," Kim said seriously. "Hey, why don't you
stay, and we'll make her move?" "Now there's an
idea," Leigh said as the laughter returned for a split-second
before disappearing again. "I really don't want to start over
again." But the clanging of the plates and the chattering of the crowd in the dining hall drowned the statement out. They got their trays and sat down. It was different to have someone worried about her and her feelings for a change. After months of trying
to fit in with Kari's friends and feeling like a fake, maybe, finally
this was Leigh's chance to have a friend of her own. However, if this friendship
was a real possibility, then she definitely did not want to spill
her guts and scare her new friend away. Her history was complicated,
and getting into it now was not a smart idea. No, it would be much
better to just stick to light topics-classes, boys, work. She was so lost in her
thoughts that she hadn't noticed Kim, who had stopped eating and
was staring at her. "I'm sorry,"
Leigh said, smiling. Kim stabbed her eggs.
"Boy, you were like a million miles away." "I guess." "So what was it
about?" Kim asked. There was a long pause as Leigh thought
about how to answer that without getting into the gory details. "Everything, I guess,"
she finally said, shaking her head. "I don't know. It's like-I
thought this was a good idea. You know? It just kind of turned out
this way-us being roommates and all. But she thinks I'm trying to
spy for her mother or something. I just can't do anything right
with her." Leigh sighed. The situation had deteriorated so quickly she couldn't believe it could ever get any better, and that thought really depressed her. "So, how'd you
end up being roommates anyway? It looks to me like you can't stand
her." "Oh, no. I liked
Kari. Really, I did-I mean what I knew of her anyway." "What you knew of
her? What does that mean?" "Well, until about
eight months ago, I'd only seen Kari about three times in my life." "But I thought she's
your cousin." "She is, but we
lived in Pennsylvania, and her family lived in California. Our paths
only crossed at a few family reunions." "Okay, wait a minute.
You live in Pennsylvania? I thought Kari said you lived in California." This was exactly what
Leigh had been afraid of doing, and now she was in the middle of
it. Where to begin? Leigh took a deep breath and plunged into the long, ugly tale of how she had come to be Kari's roommate and sparring partner. "Well, last year
around Christmas, my dad was killed..." "I'm sorry,"
Kim said instantly. "Yeah. My mom kind
of cracked up over it, and the stress of having a teenage daughter
around to deal with all the time got to her, so she shipped me across
the country to live with her sister, my Aunt Caroline. It was only
supposed to be over the Christmas vacation, but things happened,
and well, I guess if you asked Kari, she'd say I overstayed my welcome
by a few months." "So where'd you
graduate?" "California-with
Kari." "Oww, I'll bet that
set well." "Does the phrase,
'like a ton of bricks' tell you anything?" "Okay, so you ended
up graduating together. Big deal. You still didn't have to be roommates
at a college a thousand miles away." "Yeah, well...Jamie,
Kari's boyfriend, went here. She followed him, I followed her, and
here we are. They're out having the time of their lives, and I'm
left at home to cover for them." "Ah. Hence the screaming
match this morning." "Exactly."
Leigh put her head in her hands. This story was depressing even
her. "I really don't know how much more of this I can take,
Kim. She blames me for everything. I really think I'm just going
to move-that's at least got to help." "Well, good luck,"
Kim said skeptically. "The dorms are all full. I read in the
paper today they had a bigger-than-normal freshman class this year,
and they say those who got a room are lucky." "Fantastic."
Leigh laid her fork down and sighed. "More bad news." "Sorry," Kim
said with concern. "So, I'm stuck with
the bride of Dracula for a roommate." "At least for a
few weeks until people start moving out...Sorry." "Terrific."
Algebra wasn't going
to be bad at all, Leigh thought as she made her way across campus.
So she was left with only one more question mark class-English.
Surely English, her best subject in high school, wouldn't be too
difficult. She had even tested out of freshman English, but that
meant the counselor had signed her up for English 201-sophomore
English. That could be really good or really bad in her estimation,
but she just didn't know which. She found the room, swung
the door open, and found herself standing at the threshold of the
most enormous lecture hall she'd ever seen. Great, she thought sullenly
as she found a seat and looked around. With a break between algebra
and English, she had come early. But having a little extra time
was all right with Leigh. It meant she could people watch-one of
her favorite pastimes. She'd taken a seat in approximately the center
of the room and was watching the door when she first saw Kim. "Hey, Kim!"
Leigh called, waving to her friend, glad to finally share a class
with someone she knew. "Leigh? What're
you doing here?" Kim asked as she reached the row Leigh was
in. "English 201,"
Leigh said, tapping her book. "How cool is that?
I never expected to see you here-I figured everyone would be sophomores,"
Kim said, taking a seat next to Leigh. "Me too. I tested
out of freshman English." "So did I." "Well, maybe this
won't be so bad after all." At just that moment,
Leigh heard her name from the other side of the row. "Huh . . .?"
she began as she turned. "Leigh. Man, I thought
that was you. It is Leigh, right?" Jamie asked, striding into
her row and right up to her desk. Leigh nodded, too numb
to speak as he slid into the empty seat next to her and feathered
back his hair exposing the tan of his face. "Yeah, I thought
so," he said cheerfully. "Not too many people around here
have a red afro!" Leigh's hand went immediately
to her hair, and it suddenly felt like every eye in the room was
now focused on her and her red curls. Even the ponytail didn't help
much. Obviously, because here sat Mr. Diplomatic Puppy Dog himself. "I don't believe
we've met," Kim said from behind Leigh. "Oh, I'm sorry,"
Leigh said, forcing her voice through the utter dread. She shook
her head to stop her brain from spinning. "Kim Holden, this
is Jamie Wakefield-Kari's boyfriend." Although she extended
her hand pleasantly, the import of the introduction was not lost
on Kim. "Oh, I've met your
girlfriend," she said saccharinely. "She's a real sweetheart." Leigh ducked to squelch the laughter as the teacher picked that exact moment to rap the podium for silence.
The class passed quickly,
and soon Kim and Leigh were exiting the building with Jamie faithfully
in tow. "So, are you headed
back to the dorms?" Leigh asked Kim, willing Jamie to take
the hint and vanish. Kim shook her head. "No,
I've got work." "Work? I didn't
know you worked," Leigh said. "Yeah. Tuesday and
Thursday from 5 to 7 in the Administration Building. Just filing
and typing and stuff. It's no big deal," Kim said. "Wow. Cool job.
How'd you get it?" Leigh asked, trying to ignore Jamie's presence
at her elbow. "Work study program,"
Kim said. "I have some friends
in that," Jamie offered from behind Leigh. Kim looked at him as
though he had just appeared there. "They seem to like
it, and it sure helps out with the bills." Silence followed Jamie's
statement. Neither Kim nor Leigh expected him to follow them out
of class much less out of the building. "Well, this is where
I turn," Kim said reluctantly. "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off
to work I go." "I'll see you later,"
Leigh said, dreading what could prove to be a very long walk home
with Jamie tagging along. She really didn't want to be mean to him,
but he was the major reason she was in this predicament with Kari.
Okay, one of the
reasons she was in this predicament, but she resented him for it
just the same. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but she didn't
want him following her around either. "So, how's college
been so far?" he asked as they turned and started walking toward
Leigh's dorm. "Classes are good.
Lots of reading, but that's okay," she said shortly. "Yeah. That was
pretty hard to get used to when I first came, too. But you'll get
used to it," he said. "This English class is scaring me
though." "Oh, yeah? Why?" "Well, I'm not too
great at grammar. Don't get me wrong, I can write and all, but a
ten-page paper seems kind of excessive." "I don't think it'll
be that bad." Leigh shrugged. "Just write what you think." "That's the problem-I
don't know what I think." The laugh was out of
Leigh's mouth before she knew it was there. "Give me a set of
numbers, and I'll do anything you want," Jamie explained seriously,
"add them, subtract them, give you equations based on them
or logarithms using them, but you give me a bunch of words, and
my brain fries. And then there's no telling what'll come out." Leigh laughed again even
though she had just berated herself for engaging in this conversation
in the first place. "No, really,"
Jamie continued. "I read the homework and everything, and I
know basically what it says, but I can't come up with something
to write in a paper to save my life. And if I do get lucky and think
of something to say, I say it all weird, and they don't understand
it, and they fail me anyway." "I think a lot of
people have that problem. They don't write it like they'd say it.
They try to make it all fancy, and it ends up not making much sense." "Yeah, that's what
I mean." He nodded and then had to swipe away the blonde locks
that had fell into his green eyes from the movement, "but isn't
that what they want? I mean something all fancy with big words that
nobody really understands?" "Well, I don't know
about the professors here, but my teacher back home always told
me to just say what you mean-fancy words or no fancy words." "That makes sense,
I guess," he said skeptically. "So, you think you could
help me out with my paper?" "Sure. I love reading
what other people think," she said. The words were out of her
mouth before she could stop them. What in the world was she saying?
She hated Jamie Wakefield-well, what she knew of him anyway, and
here she was agreeing to read over his paper and help him. "That'd be great,"
he said enthusiastically before she could think of a way to take
the words back. "I might actually have a chance then." When she'd recovered
some of her senses after just making the stupidest agreement ever,
Leigh asked, "So how'd you get through freshman English anyway?
Didn't you have to write papers in there?" She wondered how anyone
could get to college-much less through freshman English-without
being able to write a paper. "I squeaked through.
101 wasn't too hard, and in 102 the teacher liked me, so here I
am-panicking in 201," Jamie said, shrugging sheepishly. "Well, don't worry.
It won't be as bad as you think," Leigh said, smiling in spite
of the admonitions screaming through her head. "With you there,
I think that just might be true," he said with a smile. By the time they reached
her dorm, they were talking like old friends, and Leigh was exasperated.
Every time she told herself not to act so friendly or to keep her
cool, she ended up laughing at his lame jokes or agreeing with him
about something. This is ridiculous. Stop encouraging him. "Then the wife says,
'For the third time, yes!'" Leigh burst out laughing
as they entered the building. "That's a good one!" she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "Where'd you hear
that one?" "Joke-telling is
just one of my many talents, Miss Chandler," Jamie said, bowing
gallantly and almost tripping over his left foot which sent Leigh
into more gales of laughter. But Jamie suddenly stopped short, and
the smile slid from his face as he looked up the stairs. Her laughter stopped
too as Leigh followed his gaze. Kari. She was glowering down at
them three steps from the bottom, and Leigh thought that if looks
could kill, she'd be ashes right now. "It's about time
you got here," Kari said to Jamie as she stomped down the remaining
stairs. Leigh wanted to crawl
under the rug. Poor Jamie, all he did was tell a stupid joke. "Hi, Doll face,"
Jamie said cheerfully. Either he was trying to ignore the sour look
on his sweetheart's face, or he was totally oblivious, and for the
life of her, Leigh couldn't tell which it was. Immediately, however,
Kari's cheerfulness returned, and she wrapped her octopus arms around
him protectively. "So, where'd the two of you come from?"
Kari asked sweetly. "Just meet outside on the walk coming in?" "Oh, no," Jamie
started. Oh, no. He's going to
tell her. No, Jamie. DON'T! But before Leigh could
think of a plausible excuse, he said, "We have English
together. Leigh said she'd help me on the paper we have to write.
Isn't that great?" "Oh, yeah. Great,"
Kari agreed although Leigh could tell it was anything but great. "Well, I've got
reading to do," Leigh said, hoping to make a quick exit. "Hey, Leigh, why
don't you come eat with us?" Jamie asked quickly. Can he really be this
dumb? Can't he see the daggers Kari's throwing with her eyes? Leigh
wondered completely taken off-guard. "No, umm...I really have
a lot to read, and Kim and I are planning to eat together later,"
Leigh said quickly. There I go lying again,
she thought but pushed that thought away. "Oh, well. That's
okay, we understand," Kari said sweetly. "Don't we, Honey?" She turns on and off
like a faucet, Leigh thought as she watched Kari turn her doe-eyes
on Jamie. "Yeah. No problem.
I just thought..." Jamie started. "It's all right
maybe some other time," Leigh said quickly. Like when Africa
freezes over, she thought, and she could tell Kari was thinking
the very same thing. "Well, I'll be home
late," Kari said, smirking at Leigh. "So don't wait up," "Oh, Kar, I can't
stay out too late tonight," Jamie said, looking down at her.
"I've got calculus homework and some reading to do for English,
too. I don't want to get behind." Leigh wished with everything
she had that the floor would just swallow her up. How did she get
into these situations she couldn't gracefully exit? "But, Sweetheart,
it's our first week together," Kari pouted, "you can work
on calculus anytime." Suddenly the door opened
behind them and in walked Pam. Leigh had never been happier to see
anyone in her whole life. "Pam," Leigh
said as though Pam were a long lost friend she hadn't seen in ages.
"Let's go upstairs. I have to tell you all about my day." Leigh slung her arm around
Pam's shoulders and started up the stairs jabbering about algebra
and what a great day she'd had and did Pam want to go eat with Kim
and her later. When they reached the second landing, safely out
of earshot, Leigh dropped her arm and sighed. "What was that about?"
Pam asked, raising her eyebrows in total confusion. "Sorry." Leigh
sighed again. "I had to get out of there, or things were going
to get ugly." "Who's the guy?" "That was Jamie-Kari's
boyfriend. Sorry, I didn't introduce you, but under the circumstances,
a clean getaway was our best bet." "I take it you don't
like him?" That question made Leigh
stop. Fifteen minutes ago she hated Jamie Wakefield. Now she didn't
know what she thought of him. "Oh, he's okay, it's the she-wolf
I can't stand." Pam laughed and nodded.
"Now that I'm not confused about at all." "Me either." It was the only thing she was sure of at the moment-she didn't want to be around Kari if she could help it.
It was 9:30 when Kari
walked in the door, and Leigh was instantly surprised. She waited
for the fireworks to start as she tried to concentrate on the book
in front of her. Don't make eye contact,
and you'll be fine. She definitely didn't want another scene like
the one this morning, and she was willing to do whatever it took
to make sure that didn't happen again. But Kari simply got her
things together and left to take a shower. That was strange. Not
a word, no snide remark, nothing. And now that she was thinking
clearly again, Leigh remembered that Kari always took her showers
in the morning-to wake her up, she always said. Leigh continued to read,
but her thoughts weren't on the book. Okay, so Kari was home early.
What did that mean exactly? Did Jamie really have to study? Had
Kari finally come to her senses? Would things get back to normal-whatever
that was-now? She tried to sort it all out in her head, but her
head was only producing more questions. It wasn't long, and Kari
returned, hair dripping, wearing her big floppy Bugs Bunny slippers.
She combed and dried her jet black hair without saying a word. Then
she began unpacking the things that were still in a box in her closet. At first Leigh was thankful
that she didn't yell and throw things, but the silence was almost
worse. The words on the page no longer held any meaning at all as
Leigh kept her head down pretending to read but closely following
the activities of her roommate instead. Kari went about setting
up her bookshelf and organizing her notebooks. She even picked up
one book and sat on the bed to read. Leigh forced herself not to
move a muscle while still tracking Kari's every move. Why was she
so quiet? Leigh wanted to know, but she didn't dare ask. They sat in silence for
what seemed like an eternity. "Well, I'm going
to turn in," Kari said suddenly. "Okay, I'd better,
too," Leigh said quickly shoving her book onto the shelf. She
crawled under the covers as Kari turned out the light. The room was dark-very
dark. She hadn't noticed this before, but now as she strained to
see Kari across the room in her bed, she realized the only light
was a faded version of the amber streetlights outside. Everything
was so silent, Leigh could even hear water running down the hall. Just close your eyes
and go to sleep. Don't think about Kari. She snuggled farther under
her blanket and closed her eyes willing herself to fall asleep. "I'm sorry, Leigh,"
Kari said, and her voice sounded very small and hollow in the darkness. "Huh?" "I'm sorry. I've
been..." The sentence trailed
off into silence, and Leigh waited. She didn't know what to say
or if she should say anything. "I've been really
mean to you, and I'm sorry," Kari finally finished. "Why are you telling
me this now?" Leigh asked guardedly. "Oh, I don't know.
Jamie told me I should lighten up. He said some things I guess I
hadn't thought of before. I've been really terrible to you, and
I'm sorry." "It's okay,"
Leigh said unsure of what else to say. "I just thought
that when I got here, things would be different," Kari said,
sounding like a deflated balloon. "I thought that Jamie and
I could be together all the time, but now he says he needs to study,
and he can't stay out and party all the time. I just thought it
would be different." Leigh didn't know what
to say. 'I'm sorry, too' didn't seem right. What did she have to
apologize for? 'He's right' sounded better, but that might set Kari
off, and that wasn't what she wanted either. So she just lay there
in silence. Finally Kari said, "Could
we call a truce? I don't want to fight anymore. I know it's not
your fault you came here with me, and I shouldn't have said the
things I did. I'm sorry. I just thought...I don't know what I was
thinking. I was mad at you for coming with me. I wanted it to be
just Jamie and me, but I guess that was stupid." It was then that Leigh
heard the sniffle, and despite everything, her heart went out to
her cousin. "So what happened? Why the sudden change of heart?"
Leigh asked before she could stop herself. "We had a fight,"
Kari said softly. "When I saw the two of you come in the door
today, I lost it." "I noticed." "Yeah. So did Jamie." So he's not brain-dead,
Leigh thought more impressed than she wanted to admit. "He really let me
have it after you left. He said that he'd gotten to know you a little,
and that you didn't deserve all of the grief I was giving you. He
also said I was acting like an idiot hanging on him all the time.
I guess I was...I don't know. This just isn't how I pictured it..." "Stop trying to
force things," Leigh said like she had vast experience in the
field of love and boyfriends-which she didn't. "Take it slow.
You know? I mean you just got here. Jeez. Give him some time to
get used to having you around again." "But he always liked
having me around before," Kari said mournfully. "He didn't say he
doesn't like having you around," Leigh said, wondering what
difference any of this made to her. "Just...I don't know...cool
it for awhile. I mean that's a lot of pressure to be putting on
him." "What do you mean?" "Moving halfway
across the country to follow him to school? It puts a lot of pressure
on him to live up to your expectations. So cool it with the expecting
thing, and things will get back to normal," Leigh said confidently. "Yeah. I guess you're
right I hadn't thought of it like that," Kari said, sounding
happier. "And while you're
at it, cool it in the making friends department, too," Leigh
said suddenly feeling a little reckless. "Huh?" "Just don't try
so hard. Let things happen. If it's meant to be, it'll work out.
Don't try to force things so much. It doesn't work." There was a long pause. "So, can we be friends
again?" Kari finally asked. Even though she was still
hurt by her cousin's remarks, Leigh decided it would be best to
accept the peace offering. "Yeah, we can be friends."
But even as she said the words, she hoped she wouldn't live to regret
them. Copyright
Staci Stallings, 2002 |
You'll feel better for the experience!